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Twenty Seven: Talon

Jesse's words fell heavy against my ears, drowning my thoughts.
It was not what I had been expecting. None of it. I hadn't been intimate with a person since before the outbreak. I couldn't begin to understand how something of that nature would affect a person when the world hadn't gone to shit, let alone at a time like after. 

Carrying a child, giving birth to a child and caring for a child in the middle of an epidemic illness that mostly required silence, would be near impossible.
I wondered how long ago it had happened. Tricia had no child, she had no protruding belly. This drew me to either two conclusions. She had lost the baby, or she hadn't actually been pregnant in the first place. She was, after all, desperate to win back Jesse's affections.

"And was she?" I kept my voice low, careful and steady

"A doctor confirmed she was, but I worked out the dates, it was easy to figure out it wasn't mine" He didn't look at me, and I was glad he didn't.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Ronan was the father of Tricia's child, an affair that had obviously been going on for months

"I'm so sorry" I apologised, unsure of what to do or say with the new information

Finally, Jesse lifted his gaze to mine, his lips held tightly together

"And I'm the one with trust issues" I scoffed
My reasons meant nothing now, he had been used and lied to on such an enormous emotional level, and here I was complaining.

Jesse gave me a small smile, the corner of his lips pulling upwards while we remained silent, our eyes locking on to one another with a new found understanding.

I opened my mouth to speak, intending on asking him why he hadn't called me Morgan earlier, the moment still confusing me, but before I could form the words, I noticed Jesse's eyes searching my face, the space between us dangerously close again. My heart thumped inside my chest, my breathing slow as a repeat of the boiler room moment rushed to thought.
That was what was happening, I could feel it overtake my body as it had last time, consuming me.

Jesse's dropped slowly on my lips as he inched forward towards me. I tried to control my desire to close the space quicker. I didn't know why we were so close, I didn't know why we were in the unexplainable situation again, I couldn't think of a single good reason.

Instinctively my eyes closed as I felt his hot breath against my face, his fingers brushing against my jawline. Finally, in the same motion, I felt his lips touch mine. My breathing stopped, my heart beating loudly in my ears, the pain and numbness of my limbs sparking alight.
It didn't take long for me to become urgent like I had before. I felt my body pull towards him, wanting to further the touch, the sensation between us.
Our lips pushed gently into one another's, deepening when footsteps echoed into the room, unconsciously ripping us apart.

My eyes immediately averted, my head back down on the floor while Jesse scooted away from me, removing himself from any contact. His hands returned to the stiches and needle as Ronan entered my space again

"I've taken them out and I've set up a spot for you to sleep" He told me, unaware of what he'd interrupted

I gave him a small forged smile, keeping my eyes from his face. I could feel my cheeks rush with heat, I could feel my heart speed up, returning to its natural pace after momentarily pausing.

I had found myself kissing Jesse for a second time, only this time, it wasn't under false circumstances, it wasn't for distraction or life or death purpose. I was having trouble understanding, what had it been for this time? I had refused to allow emotions of intimacy into my soul and here I was kissing a man I barely knew.

The more I remained silent, pretending to listen to Ronan talking in front of me, the less I actually heard. All I could focus on were Jesse's fingers on my back, stitching my open wound with gentle hands and apologetic glances.
I never looked directly at him. I couldn't. The atmosphere was far too full with tension enough as it was.