Pandemonia Chronicles: DAWN

CHAPTER NINE: L33T!

When Gestalt woke up, he felt the sharp pain of something poking him in the stomach. Eyes opening, he saw it was one of the hamster creatures prodding him with a stick.

"Get up, n00b!" said the munchkin.

Looking around, Gestalt saw that Zaria's hands and feet were shackled as well as the hands and feet of Fontus and Melia.

"I told you to run away," said Jofur, his cage in Zaria's arms. "Why doesn't anyone ever run when I tell them to?"

"Shut up, n00b!" said one of the hamsters as he smacked Jofur's cage with his stick. "There be no talk out of you, stupid bear n00b!"

"I swear when I get out of this cage, I'm going to toast you!" said Jofur. "I hope you like fried munchkin because that's what will be for dinner! Hamster, the other white meat!"

Gestalt was absolutely puzzled by this turn of events. 

"What the hell happened?" said Gestalt.

"Oh, it's actually a funny story," said Jofur. "You and Zaria vanished last night, so we all split up to find you. Now look! We've all been captured! Now we're all together again! What fun?!"

"I HATE munchkins!" said Zaria. "Hate, hate, hate. HATE!"

"Your mouth is going to get us into trouble," said Fontus. "Best to keep ourselves quiet, until the demon dog shows up. I'm sure they'll have more trouble capturing him."

"Woot, dood!" said one of the munchkins carrying Gestalt's Firebrand sword. "Fat loot, doods!"

"Hey, that's mine!" said Gestalt. He tried to run after the munchkin but noticed his legs and hands were shackled to the others.

"I got dibs, dood!" said one of the munchkins that tried to take the sword from the other.

"Oh hells no dood!" said the munchkin with the sword. "I saw it first dood!"

"No way dood," said the other. "You had pick last time. You got the Bloody Mace."

Gestalt noticed that a big wooden stick was fastened down to the hamster's back. At the end of the stick was a potato sack tied with a string. The sack was leaking some kind of red fluid that was gathering in a puddle near the munchkin's wooden sandals. The Bloody Mace was really bleeding. Gestalt thought it seemed awful messy to carry around.

"Okay, dood, then let's trade," said the other munchkin. "Give you the mace for the sword, dood."

"Hell no, dood! It's a ripoff, dood!"

"Shuddup, doods!" said another, slightly larger munchkin. "You're acting like lamers!"

The other munchkins stopped bickering and listened to the big munchkin.

"I'm Mankrik," said the big munchkin to Gestalt. "The Loot Master! You noobs are now going to be our mules! Carry the loot, noobs!"

Mankrik pointed to several large burlap bags that looked full of various things.

"Best just do what he says for now," said Jofur. "Knowing munchkins, their stupidity will lead to their own deaths without us needing to do anything."

"Shut up, bear noob!" said the munchkin with the Firebrand. "Bear noob is the one who's stupid for getting caught by us!"

The munchkins laughed, but it was an odd sort of laugh. To Gestalt, all he heard was,

"Lol, lol, lol, lol, lol!"

"That's SO annoying!" said Zaria.

"I think my brain is turning to mush," said Fontus.