Silently Dying

Living In A Bubble

I used to be this ignorant, whiny person who always thought about how the world did her wrong, how life has been unfair to her, who always blamed everything on her circumstances.

I used to be this person who was always sad. Even when there wasn't anything to be sad about, I'd try and poke old wounds until they'd start to bleed again and I get a reason to stay in this sad unhappy, miserable state of mine. After a while I'd gotten used to it that I forgot how to even put on a crack of smile on my face.

I would see people around me having a great time, laughing, talking to each other and this jealousy would come over me thinking what I wouldn't give to be like them; to be like everyone else; open, confident, genuine. But I had been living in a bubble for so long thinking that they wouldn't like me and why would they when I've got nothing interesting to offer; when I was this dull person with nothing to give back. There was this voice inside telling me that I wasn't enough. Damn that voice was a real pain in the ass.

It was hard putting myself out there, being vulnerable and to reach; reach for all those things that I've always wanted, for those things I was afraid to go after.