Her Life Was Falling Apart

Diary Entry Six

Entry Six,
I bumped into Dinah today and it wasn't that bad. I mean we talked for a second before she had to get to class and I thought it was good. I mean, she probably hated considering it was me she was talking to and nobody actually likes me. My parents have always said that out of all their kids I'm the absolute worst. I'm not good at anything. I'm ugly. I'm fat and I'm way to stupid to even be considered a Jauregui.

However if I'm being honest here I don't want to be one of them. I never have. I've never felt like I was ever part of the family because since a young age I was always left out of family events. Even before I came out they excluded me for things or acted like I literally didn't exist. I could literally be standing in the same room as them and they would just act like I was invisible.

I know this entry became more about my awful family than Dinah but I just can't help but vent about them. I mean they're always so mean for no reason and maybe it's my fault. Maybe unconsciously I bring out the worst in my family. Like my parents have always been nice to Chris and Taylor but when it comes to me they say the nastiest things to me and treat me like I'm the gun on the bottom of their shoes. Maybe it's my fault I'm treated so badly if I changed maybe they'll treat me better.
LMJ

I don't understand why Lauren would think that the way her parents treat her is her fault. It's not. If anything it's their fault because I can't find a good enough reason as to why they would treat their own child the way they do. I need to look into them more and see what I can find out.

Walking towards my locker I noticed that it was once again opened and this time I have no idea how considering I put a lock on it and nobody was around when I set it up. At least I don't think anyone was. Shaking my head I sped over to my locker and once again changed to see if anything was missing, and like last time nothing was gone but something was left. A small tape recorder with a sticky note saying listen to the tape. With my eyebrows knotted together I snatched up the tape and shoved it in my backpack before closing and locking my locker and heading off to class.

-

The bell for the end of school rang and without waiting any longer I rushed out of class and quickly ran to the double doors straight to my car. Since I got that tape recorder it's been the only thing on my mind and honestly I couldn't wait to hear what was on this tape.

Unlocking my car I quickly got in and locked the doors before pressing play on the tape recorder and letting it start.

"I don't know who's listening to this but if you are just know that I'm probably not doing good. I'm never doing good but right now I'm doing worst. I feel like I'm going crazy because I have nobody around me that I can talk to right now. I mean fuck I'm talking to a tape recorder because I don't want to bother my friends with my problems. They're both such good people that it wouldn't feel right bombarding them with my problems. I just wished that all this pain would just end. Please just let it end."