Child of War (Tales of Autcrem)

Chapter nine, war never lets you go

The nightmares were long, and the morning sunlight all too welcomed. Hensei lifted his head slowly. His neck groaned, and his back ached. His wounds didn't feel any better after sleeping on the ground. He didn't remember when he fell asleep, but only that the horrors followed him even in sleep. He had no escape.

He looked around the room that looked as if nothing had happened. The birds chirped outside, and he heard children playing once again. The pocket of paradise in this war-stricken world was back to normal.

Hensei rose slowly, feeling more pain then he wished. Sleeping on the floor really didn't help his wounds. Fear still gripped his muscles, rattling his bones, crushing his heart... paralyzing his mind. He stared at his hands that blurred between blood and clean. The blood of so many. Stains that would never wash away, stains that would remain forever. Reminders of what he's done, reminders of his sins.

A knock at the door made Hensei jump like a frightened rabbit. He stared at the door with wild eyes, as if it was the door to hell. It slowly crept open with an awful creak. The hands of the dammed reached the opening. Burnt black from the flames of hell. Withered from centuries of torture. They reached to pull him down with them. So, broken that they only found joy in taking more to Hell's fiery pits, they were only satisfied when the world was like them.

Hensei froze as the door fully swung open. In the doorway stood Dodd. No flames of hell, no hands of the dammed to pull him down. Nothing. Just Dodd standing in the doorway. His yellow eyes stared at him with so much concern it would look unnatural for a human. He watched Hensei, who was still paralyzed in fear. His mind was still racing, trying to comprehend what was happening.

"Hensei," Dodd spoke. Hensei's mind shook into focus as his name brought him back to reality. "Hensei, are you okay," Dodd said, walking in.

"Fine," Hensei said, sitting on the bed, putting his hand against his forehead. His eyes lost in the madness of his sight.

"It was a dumb question. You're not fine." Dodd said, going to one knee next to him. He looked into his eyes. It was as if they both peered into each other's souls. Hensei saw the kindness of Dodd's soul. The care and joy that shined from his soul. A bright light in the night sea. Deep down, behind the blinding light, there was darkness. A black spot in the light. As if it was moved past but not forgotten. Put away but always remembered.

What Dodd saw was Hensei's secret plea. He wanted to scream it but didn't want to admit it. His eyes wished Dodd did not see the wounds. The bleeding, the despair, the wish for help, the want for healing. The weakness. It pours out like black ink on a white sheet of paper. He had never felt this way before. It was hard to hold it in. He was ready to burst, like a dam ready to give way to the floods of pain.

"It gets better," Dodd said in a warm voice. "It's hard for weeks, months, even years, but it does get better. You just have to keep moving away. War will always attack you, even when it's over. It doesn't let you forget. If you go back, it feels easier, but war can't last forever. You can only fight for so long." His eyes stared so far into Hensei's soul. He felt as if he was reading his emotions. "Sometimes, you get drunk to forget, sometimes you hurt yourself to not remember, sometimes you hurt others..." His eyes became distant for a moment. "Sometimes you have to run, sometimes you have to never look back."

"I have people I can't leave behind," Hensei said, feeling the tears fall from his eyes. "I can't let them die."

"Then, never let them go. Grab them and never once loosen your grip. They're your anchor in the raging sea of war. If you lose them, then you'll be swept away never to break above its crimson waves again. Only to wait for a hand to reach down into the murky depths and rip yours from Wars evil hold. Maybe one day to be swept onto some forgotten island with a warm light still burning. A caring heart still beating, but you can't do it alone. No one can fight a war alone."