The Expendables One Shots and Imagines

I am never gonna hear the last of this - Christmas x Reader

"There's something not quite right." Christmas said, looking over at Barney as they made their way through the jungle.

The entire team were cursing as they made their way through the steamy sub-tropical climate of the rain-forest; everyone's favourite CIA agent had called the boys in when some diplomat had been kidnapped by a Columbian guerrilla group that had taken control of the Guiana shield area of Venezuela. According to Church the diplomat was vital to the U.S and had been carrying some important documentation when his helicopter had been taken down. Of course, the group had done the normal routine of sending a video of the diplomat, giving a list of demands as they held a gun to his head; and of course that was countered with the usual "we don't submit to terrorists" spiel, and now Barney, Christmas, and the rest of the boy were slogging their way up the side of what felt like a mountain to get to the guerrilla camp.

"What do ya mean?" Barney asked, stopping momentarily to wipe the sweat from his eyes.

"I don't know........ it's just something doesn't feel right, but it could just be this damn sweat box." Christmas complained, taking a drink of water from his canteen.

The rest of the team dropped to the floor, trying to find a comfortable spot to rest for a moment, they seemed to have been walking for hours, and Gunnar, in particular, had started to grumble.

"Why the hell couldn't we get closer to these assholes? I fuckin hate the jungle." Gunnar complained, taking a nip of something a little stronger than water from his hip flask.

"Do you see a landing strip for a plane around here? Plus, the bad guys would have heard us." Toll said mockingly, shooting Gunnar a sarcastic look.

"Ok you two. Gunnar stop complaining, Toll is right; there was no way we could get the plane any closer. Now move your ass, we still have to get to the ridge." Barney the big man, scowling at Gunnar as his hip flask once again touched his lips.

Eventually the ridge appeared, the team dropping down as Barney took out a pair of binoculars surveying the camp below that had been cut into the heart of the jungle.

"Well?" Christmas asked, as Barney continued to watch as the guerrillas went about their daily routine.

"I count about 50 men; all seem to be armed with semi-automatic rifles, and there's an M2 machine gun mounted on some old jeep. There's a broken down Huey sitting on the east side of the camp, along with a few trucks, and what looks like a fuel dump; on the west side there are a few run down buildings, the diplomat is probably being held in one of those." Barney replied, handing Christmas the binoculars.

"So, how do we do this?" Christmas asked, looking back at Barney and the team.

As Barney outlined his plan, a sudden explosion from below caused the team to grab their guns, as Barney quickly scanned the camp.

"The fuel dump has just gone up." Barney shouted, watching as the guerrillas armed themselves shooting at the jungle around them.

Another explosion rang out, as the jeep with the M2 mounted on it, flew up into the air, returning to earth as a shredded mass of metal; another blast sending out shockwaves as it destroyed the Huey and the trucks.

Christmas looked at Barney wide eyed. "Oh no, it can't be! She wouldn't. She couldn't." He groaned, as Barney grabbed his gun and started to make for the camp as the sound of automatic gunfire came from what seemed to be a single location.

"That's what happens when you try and leave her at home." Barney called out, as he followed the rest of the team down into the camp, stopping and taking out the guards as he saw a lone figure run out from the jungle firing a M134 Gatling gun as it made its way to the outcrop of small buildings.

"Cover (Y/n) while she gets the diplomat." Barney shouted out to the other's as a wave of guerrillas continued to surge forward.

"(Y/n)? I thought Christmas left her at home." Caesar yelled, as he shot one of the men bearing down on him.

"I did....... well at least I thought I did." Christmas yelled back, throwing one of his knives at the back of a guard that was making his way to the buildings.

"That's what happens when you tell (Y/n) she can't do something; she'll blow the place to shit, rescue the diplomat, and make the rest of us look like rank amateurs." Toll said, as he and Gunnar fired off grenades, taking out the few remaining stragglers as the camp finally went quiet.

"What the hell?" Christmas enquired, as he watched (Y/n) pick the lock of the cuffs that had the diplomat attached to a large metal cage.

"Oh hi honey, what took you guys so long? I thought I was gonna have to do this all by myself." (Y/n) replied, smiling as she went past Christmas, kissing him on the cheek as she walked the diplomat outside.

"What do you mean, 'Oh hi honey'?" Christmas said, following her outside as she handed the diplomat over to a grinning Barney, the others smirking at Christmas who was just looking at the woman before them in disbelief.

"I thought I said that this mission was too dangerous, and I wanted you to be safe; how the hell did you get here anyway?" Christmas asked, as (Y/n) walked around the boys, giving them all a kiss in greeting.

"Yes I know you did sweetheart, but look how much easier the job was with me here. And seeing as you talked Barney out of letting me come, I contacted someone who owed me a favour." (Y/n) said, looking up at the sky, as a helicopter appeared.

"And here he is now with our lift." (Y/n) said, jogging off in the direction of the rendezvous point.

Christmas groaned loudly, rubbing his hand down his face as Barney placed his hand on his shoulder.

"You know what she's like, you should have just let her come." Barney said, as he followed (Y/n), the rest of the boys smiling at Christmas as they passed him.

"I am never gonna hear the last of this." Christmas moaned as he ran to catch up with everyone else.

As the helicopter landed, a large man leaned out of the cockpit window. "Hey beautiful, your rides here." Trench shouted out as (Y/n) and the rest of the team ran over, scrambling into the helicopter as Trench grabbed the stick and lifted the machine into the air.

Christmas sat down next to Barney as he watched (Y/n) take to co-pilot seat next to Trench, putting the headphones over her ears.

"How the hell did she get Trench to bring her here?" Christmas asked slightly bemused, as the rest of the guys simply shook their heads and chuckled.

"You know how persuasive that smile of hers can be; that's what happens when you marry a woman that can kick all our asses. Just accept it, we would never have got this done so easy without her." Barney laughed, taking a cigar from his pocket, and lighting it.

Christmas shook his head and groaned again; he seriously was never gonna hear the last of this.