Stability (by D&N)

Ch. 8-Angelina

I AM SO SORRY THIS IS REALLY LATE. i kinda got lazy  distracted. 

          “And anytime you feel the pain, hey Jude, refrain; don’t carry the world upon your shoulders.” I could hear Michael F’s voice singing sweetly. Now, his singing wasn't anywhere near perfect-- also slightly off key--but the familiar sound of the rapsy and not-too-deep voice brought a feeling of calm over me. I found myself gently swaying to his soothing voice. I wanted more than anything in that moment to curl up into a ball and sleep. It would be impossible for me to even catch a wink, though. Not after the horrifying events we had just witnessed; Aidan's death, Jacob's, Mr. M's. I shuddered as images of Aidan's terrified eyes, Jacob's body being feasted on, and Mr. M's own son ripping out flesh from his father's neck flashed through my mind. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes but quickly blinked them away. There had been enough crying from everyone; I'd never thought I'd ever get a glimpse of Shamar crying. He hadn't known I saw him, but it was best for me not to say anything; he wouldn't want me seeing him showing any weakness. I understood how he felt because I thought crying was a sign of weakness as well. I hated that I had shown people my weakness through tears and hated even more when they tried comforting me, it meant that they pitied me. I hated being pitied.

                “So let it out and let it in, hey Jude, begin. You're waiting for someone to perform with. And don’t you just know it's you, hey Jude, you'll do”. My thoughts were broken by the sound of Michael F’s voice and the chatter of Shamar and Robert arguing over something. My ears tuned back to the sounds of reality, shifting from the muffled background noise to the clear voices and sounds around me.

        "-but I'm not sure man. It's not that safe if you think about it." Shamar said to Robert with furrowed eyebrows. 

        "Come on, I got chu cuz'." Robert replied, nonchalantly.

        "Robert, this is serious."Shamar tried to stifle his laughter to no avail, "Do we really want to put not only ourselves but our friends at risk?" I guessed that they were talking about the "group" we wanted to form; and it seemed that Shamar was having second thoughts about it. I decided to speak up about what I thought we should do.

        "Well, think about it, we're going to need supplies and go on food runs. It wouldn't be safe for just one or two people to go, but it also wouldn't be safe for all of us to go because we'd make too much noise. If we have people willing to risk themselves to help everyone, then we should allow them to join; along with our approval of course." I felt my face flush; I was nervous about what Shamar would say because I looked up to him and didn't want him thinking badly of me.

        "That's true," so far so good I thought, "But," but?!, "seriously, these are our very own friends, we've known them for years and would you be able to kill them if you really needed to? Would you be able to live with yourself knowing their death could've been stopped if you had kept them here?" For the first time in my life, I was completely speechless. I had never been absolutely speechless in my life; I didn't like it. I started to panic, the silence is too long, I thought, he thinks I’m stupid, I am. I shouldn't have said anything. But we're going to need supplies and food, how else will we obtain it?

        "Shamar, things will be fine." Robert shot me a grin. I left a mental note to myself to thank him for saving me. I swallowed my nervousness and collected my thoughts.

        "Yes...I think I could do it if I absolutely needed to. We have to learn to adapt quickly in the world we live in now. Deaths are going to happen, we already lost some of our friends today, but keeping them here and doing nothing will only kill all of us. And we'll make sure whoever joins us will know that they may have to deal with killing one of us if the time comes." I nodded firmly. Shamar stared at me, eyes like stone while his brain was calculating what would be best for the whole group. Finally, after what felt like millennia, he sighed.