Stability (by D&N)

Ch. 17-Jada

"You know what would make this whole place seem more... uh... normal?" The warm languidness of Juan's soft voice flooded my lethargic daydream stare until I was brought back to the solid ground of reality.

"Huh?" I couldn't find the right word to respond to this. It was such a juvenile topic; I wanted him to elaborate. We were still peering off the edge of the building. I noticed that he had inched forward so that his maroon shoes were half-way hanging off of the roof. I grabbed his arm and pulled him back, just to reassure his safety. He looked back at me, rolled his eyes, and continued looking out at whatever invisible image retaining his attention.

"Jada, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. And well, I was thinking that maybe one of these days, when the zombie count goes down, we could sneak over to the band room, grab a few instruments, and jam out. You know, like we used to." It sounded so overwhelmingly lovely and cliché. How could we just resume our old routines, our old lives, after all of this had wrecked havoc in our lives?

I didn't want to shut down his proposition, no matter how far-fetched it seemed. "Yeah, that would be amazing."

"The last time I held my guitar was-- God, was it last week? Oh jeez, has it been that long already? I don't think I can go much longer without my baby." The sarcastic remark about not making it much longer twisted my insides into a knot. I instantly thought of Joe and my shoulders slumped. Juan noticed my change of mood and quickly apologized. "Sorry. That was stupid."

I swallowed a choking lump of fear in my throat and lightly punched Juan in the arm. "You dork. It's fine. Come on, let's go see how everyone else is doing." The boy turned on his heel and marched after me as we both approached some kids. Tristan was leaning against one of the big pillars with Nathan and Yanessa standing in front of him. Juan and I gave each other a glance, agreeing that we should talk to them first. I felt a sense of teamwork and companionship in that glance; I knew that we made a good team. "Hey guys." I replied. Yanessa gave me a precious smile, weak but persevering nonetheless. This was hard on her, just like it had been on everyone else. But she was holding up so fiercely. I wouldn't think of Yanessa as a very outdoorsy girl. I wouldn't ever imagine her in a zombie apocalypse, trying desperately to make it through the day just as everyone else was. Her hair was a frizzy and knotted dark brown blanket, the locks of curls that usually clung together now separated and frazzled. Her eyes hung low and her smile stretched across her pale face, sprinkled with freckles. I walked over to her and engulfed her in a hug. I felt her release a long sigh, and her body melted into my arms. She was so tired- we all were- but I felt the exhaustion in her heart. As I pulled away, a glistening tarp of tears laced her eyes with weary fatigue. I offered her my most reassuring smile and turned to Tristan. "How're you holding up, champs?"

"Hey, that's my line, Hallman." Nathan glared at me with sarcastic envy. Everyone knew that Nathan's traditional trademark was calling his peers "Champs." The wrinkles by my eyes created by the smile that spread on my lips communicated my blasé apology. I turned back to Tristan and offered the question again, this time with a raised eyebrow and interested eyes.

"I'm okay. A little hungry, but fine." His eyes left mine and glanced down at his stomach. Almost on cue, a low grumbling emendated from his gut. He clutched his waist to silence the uncomfortable noises and looked around, embarrassed. Juan clapped his shoulder understandingly.

"I'm sure we can whip up something small, right Jada?" Juan directed this to me. I felt the pressure of responsibility and consequence weigh heavy on my chest. I tried to think of what food we had left. The sun was just setting behind the lazy hills that perched patiently on the horizon. I appreciated the hills unlike others would. If you drove further into the country, in the opposite direction of the hills, the round mounds of land soon disappeared. You would be in the flatlands of the California valley. And standing in the flatlands, the sky would go on for miles and miles, seemingly never ending. It would remind you of your insignificance, how little you were in this gigantic world. I adored these hills because they meant the end of the sky. It was the period at the end of the sentence. There was something majestic in knowing that the sky had an end. It gave me a peace, some sort of foundation that not everything was interminable. Not even fear.