Chipped Heart

Chapter 1: trauma.

Trauma can change anyone if given the chance. Pain is something that cannot be avoided, and your whole life can be flipped upside down because of it. No matter how hard you try to cope with it or ignore it, the pain will be there. A hole buried deep in your chest making it impossible to function properly at times.

Before last year, life was so good. Things were normal, and I didn't feel like I was suffocating every second. I hadn't experienced tragedy or depression. Everything was normal, and I wanted to go back to that time more than anything.

Trevor opened my door with the biggest attitude. "Mom and dad are waiting for you downstairs." I nodded while grabbing my backpack. Before getting the chance to walk out, he blocked my way. "Don't mess up this year. We're seniors, and we need to go one year without your drama. Last year was enough of it for a lifetime."

With that, my brother walked out of my room, and downstairs to our parents. All of the emotions came rushing to my face as I had to take a deep breath to calm myself. "Relax" was usually what my older sister used to say when I got worked up. Now she was dead because of me.

Mom tapped dad's shoulder to catch his attention as I walked down the white, slippery stairs. A camera was in her hands as she snapped a picture. My hands flew up to my face, but it was too late. The picture was already printing out of the bottom of the family's polaroid. I dryly chuckled while biting down on my lip. "First day of senior year. The last year before my babies are off on their own."

"The big dog's of the school." Dad said while hitting my brother on the shoulders. It didn't hurt him considering he was made of stone because of football. Watching both of them play around was like watching a tiger fight with a deer. Our dad was always stressed, and that took a toll on him physically. After losing Brianna, he stopped going to the gym, and took months off of work. Fixing himself must've never occurred to him even now.

I took the picture from mom with a fake smile. No need to stress her out anymore than she already was. "You okay?" Concern filling her voice as she must be relapsing my behavior during summertime.

"Yeah." I lied. "Just have to take it day by day." Mom nodded slowly while pulling me into a very tight hug. We didn't look that much alike, but our personalities were very similar. Putting other people needs before our own became a horrible trait of ours.

Outside, the sun shined directly on our perfect little neighborhood. We lived on the richer side of Santa Cruz. Mom was a well respected doctor while dad traveled constantly as a flight attendant. They were always gone which is why I was shocked that they found time to both be here for our first day of school. Maybe their jobs were being sympathetic to their situation, and the reason why made me shiver in the hot air.

Trevor blasted music in his jeep as he pulled out of the driveway to go pick up his friends no doubt. I was absolutely positive that my twin brother would be late to school today just because he could. Rebelling against whatever rules were set was how he found happiness, and it used to be the same for me.

Soft music played in my tesla as I waved to my parents, and pulled out of our driveway. Our neighbors waved at us while watching their own kids leave their homes. Rich, spoiled kids were usually the main people who lived here. There were a few humble people, but they typically stayed to themselves. I pulled the polaroid out of my pocket while looking at the girl frozen in the picture.

A plain white shirt, black jeans, and a denim jacket completed her outfit. The brown, velvet backpack looked out of place with the picture, yet it somehow came together. Behind her was only an empty darkness unlike the light in front her. I looked at the face with careful eyes. The smile didn't meet her eyes, and it was visibly forced. That was a selfless thing at least. Don't make your family suffer more than they already have.

Several angry cars behind me caught my attention with angry horns. I gasped while dropping the picture, and hurrying to school. Teenagers were everywhere in the parking lot. Long lines were the only way to enter, and I dazed out every now and than.

"Whoa!" Someone yelped loudly while falling in front of my car. All of the books fell from his hands, and on to the ground.

I raced out of the car to help him up, and got pushed away. "Oh my gosh. Are you okay?! I', so sorry." All of those old memories filled my mind. It wasn't only the mysterious boy I had owed an apology to.

Long strands of silky blonde hair blew from one side of his face to the other. Slender hazel eyes met mine with fury due to the embarrassment of being hit by a car. "I'm fine! I'm fine!" As I reached to grab one of his books, the boy grabbed my hand. We were inches away from one another, and my heart got stuck in my throat. "Don't."

I stood up with my own level of frustration. "You really don't have to be an asshole about it." The only response he gave me was a middle finger, and I returned the favor while storming back inside of my cool car. "Douche." I muttered to myself while driving away from him.

Walking on to the campus made all of the memories come rushing back. First day of freshman year, my sister was the one who showed me around because she knew that Trevor would easily figure it out. All of her friends became my friends until I started to warm up to our school. This was my first year without her. Nothing about today could go smoothly without the one person I wanted here most.

At my locker stood one of my bestfriends. Dina was the only person who stuck with me during my self isolation period. All summer long, I stayed inside. Everyone called to check on how I was doing, but I always sent someone else to talk to them. Eventually people stopped calling. They said it was because they wanted to let me grieve in private, but I knew it was just because they grew tired of me. Not Dina though, she showed up at my door with anything she felt was needed. There still was endless bowls of food that I was too sad to eat in my cabinet.

"Hello!" I could hear her voice a thousand miles away. Regardless of what was roaming through my mind, a smile found it's way on to my face. "Oh! I've missed your smile so much. Brianna-" I inhaled deeply at the name of my sister. "Sorry. All I wanted to say was that, she would be insanely happy to see you smiling."

I nodded while faking another smile just for her benefit. Nothing in me was happy though, and this wasn't some miraculous recovery. Every part of me still ached, but I had to fake being happy in order to survive this year. One more year of being here, and I'm getting the hell out this place. Too many reminders of my sister.

Pity came from every pair of eyes in the hall. Nobody stared at Trevor this way, but that's because my brother hides his pain. Showing too much emotion could ruin his precious masculinity, and that would just cause the world to end. Listening to Dina talk about nonsense helped me focus on someone other than myself for a change, and it felt nice to be somewhat normal after so much pain.