Murder left behind - the sequel

chapter nine

"Did you mean it? Did you mean what you said yesterday?"
He asks

I look up at him, my eyes all glossy.

"Mhm..."
I mutter

I look him in the eyes.
"I meant every word."

I say looking down. I play with my fingers a bit before he grabs my hand.

"I miss those times too."
He finally speaks up

"I miss it so much."
He says

"I miss us, I miss the times we had, I miss the fun things we did, the things that weren't aloud, the things that we did when we were together."
I look up, his eyes are sparkling.

"I still love you"
He says
"I never stopped loving you, I was desperate to find you. Desperate to see you. And when I found out the kid was mine, I couldn't be more happy"
He looks down
"But you don't love me anymore do you? After all I've done, after all I've said-"

"I do."
I say, he looks up. I feel a small smile coming
"I do still love you. I never stopped loving you."
I say

He pulls me closer. Our hands interlock. He slowly moved closer to me. I'm in front of him. Admiring his face like this again, this close again. I haven't seen him like this in a long time. I look at him. He looks at me. Our lips touch the slightest bit, i feel his hand coming up to my face making the kiss more intense. He slowly pulls away. I feel that my whole face is red. I'm happy, but sad. How is this gonna work? Will it even be the same? Will it ever be the same?

"What's wrong?"
He asks

"I was just thinking..."
I say smiling

"About?"
He asks confused

"Will 'us' ever be the same?"
I ask looking down again

"You can never know."
He says holding up my head

"You just have to trust."
He says

I've never heard any of these words like these of Tom. He was never this sweet. Is something up? Is he joking? Is he just playing? I feel the same tho. I need someone in life again. I need him again. I need his touch against my skin. I need his soft lips against mine. I need. Him.

"I want to trust. I want us again."
I say looking him in the eyes

He nods, a small smile comes onto his lips.

"I want to take it slow okay?"
I ask shy

"Sure."
He says squeezing my hand

His hand moves up to my cheek making me blush. His another hands stays on my other hand.

"Please."
He says

"Please what?"
I ask

"Please never leave me again. Not like that."

"I won't. I promise."
I say

He looks my in the eyes again. His eyes are glossier then before. I feel like he's gonna cry. Tom? Tom crying? He doesn't do that. And if he does he wouldn't do it in front of someone. The smallest tear drops down. I don't know what to say, but he's uncomfortable. I feel it, I know it, I can see it. I slowly blink giving him a reassuring smile. He drops his head into my shoulder. I hear him sniff. I feel so bad, this is all because of me. All over me. I'm the worst person on earth. I broke his heart, but he still loves me no matter what. He looked for me for 5 years. 5 years being heart broken but still in love. In love with me. The person who broke it in the first place. The person who kept secrets. Who ran from her problems. The person who ran from someone who just protected her.

"I ran from you."
I say looking him in the eyes.

"And you still love me? I broke your heart for all these years"
I say feeling tears coming

"I broke your heart Tom. You shouldn't love me for that. For anything. I don't even know how to fix it."
I say crying

"I can't fix anything, I'm a piece of shit. I ran from the only one who protected me"
I say sniffing

"I couldn't stop loving you."
He finally speaks

"I couldn't. I did everything for you."
He said looking me in the eyes again

"I love you. and I just couldn't stop loving you. When I saw you after all those years..."
He says sighing

"When I saw you with Jay. I fell in love again. The fun things we did flashed before my eyes. Every time I was with you I was happy. I was happy, for once."

"You where, my happiness. I need it back"
He looks down fiddling with his hands now

"I need you back"
He says looking up again

"I want you back"
He says

"I miss those times too"
I say giving a weak smile, the tears that came out of my eyes are all dried up on my cheeks and neck.

We both stay quiet for a bit. It was peaceful. It hasn't been peaceful when we were together in a room. There was war between us. We've dropped that. I started to love again. Try and love again. Start over. I want to. But can I ever forgive myself. Forgive myself for what I've done? I don't know. Maybe I will a bit. Maybe I won't.

-to be continued-