FADE

STARS WERE ALLIGNING

I couldn't define insanity, never could.
It was always, you know, the opposite of sane.

Even now, I'll admit, I still couldn't quite define it because it wasn't just a single sentence,a single definition, didn't feel like just the opposite of sane anymore.
It was so many things, so many things I never thought I'd care to think of, to experience. So many things I wish I never knew.

   Insanity was having your eyes open at night, meticulously planning the death of someone you haven't seen in four years,Insanity was loving that person through it, all the same.

  Insanity was crying yourself to sleep only to be plagued by nightmares of lifeless eyes and soulless bodies.

The only bit of sanity left was maybe this, right here. Me, sitting in this booth, phone clenched in my fist. Unfeeling, at least trying to be unfeeling. If I tried hard enough, so hard even I started believing it, then maybe, just maybe I would truly stop feeling. I could hear my mother chanting hellos and talk-to-me(s).

      I held my breath...

    The phone felt like acid and her voice, her voice burnt me to ashes. I wanted to hold my breath throughout the entire conversation. I couldn't speak, I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of hearing my voice. She didn't deserve it.

     It's been just two weeks, two weeks of running in that field, two weeks of watching the dead bodies littering the grass multiply, running over the remains of dead people, one's who'd been dead for two weeks, who'd been dead for almost a minute, who'd just fallen.

Two weeks of remote silence and now they were calling,I didn't even know we were allowed calls.

It hurt!
    Fuck
It hurts so much, so so much.

"Please baby say something" she sobbed"I'm so sorry, my poor baby, I'm so sorry. We love you so much honey. I wish it wasn't like this b-but" her voice cracked. I could hear my father in my background trying to comfort her. Somehow the thought of them caring made it so much harder.
                   It was too much,
Everything was too much.
It hurt.

"I'm pregnant"

The breath I was holding was released harshly, a single tear drop stubbornly rolled down my cheek.

I was unfeeling

        I was unfeeling
   
             I was unfeeling

I was unfeeling

"I'm sorry, this might be the last time I ever get to hear your voice, please baby, say something, anything."

                    I was unfeeling

I was unfeeling

"I hate you" I whispered dropping the phone, a dull thud echoing throughout the room. The guard across the room locked eyes with me, his eyes sympathetic as I began to cry.

"She's pregnant" I sobbed"pregnant, they'll get themselves killed, they'll fight for that baby"

My heart clenched painfully in my chest.

He blinked taking two long strides towards me, snatching my arm roughly once he was in front of me.

"Stop crying" He whispered, his nails digging into my skin"and listen to me. My name is Zane and I can get you out of here"