The Princess and the Poorly Written Parody

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This one's not so short like the title says but oh well.


Buttons had been in love with Ella for as long as he could remember.

Ever since he had begun working as a servant to her father, he had stalked- no, followed- her around the vast house ready to assist her should she need help with even the most tedious of dilemmas. Whether it was opening doors for her, dusting the leaves from the path she walked along, or telling her which ribbon would go best with her eyes, Buttons was always eager to aid the beautiful girl.

With her blond flowing locks and piercing blue eyes, how could he not fall for her upon meeting her that first day many years ago?

Still, despite being quite sure of his feelings towards her for many years, he had not told her how he felt for fear that she would reject him.

Wistfully, he sighed to himself as he watched the blithe young girl feeding the mice in the courtyard. Buttons knew that if her stepmother found out about this then she would lock poor Ella in her room all day with no food or water, so Buttons resolved to pretend he hadn't noticed, which was not true in the slightest- all he did was notice her- but she barely cast him a side wards glance. Her father's house had many servants and to her, he was just a poor, clumsy boy with a brain smaller than the crumbs on the floor.

'I'll have to sweep those up,' he thought to himself, 'before the mistress sees them'.

Button's mistress was a cruel, cold woman with dark hair and cunning, squinting eyes who found joy in punishing the baron's beautiful daughter, Ella, and while the baron did not agree with her harsh treatment towards Ella, he rarely expressed his view and when he did, he almost immediately shrank underneath his wife's threatening glares.

He, like the rest of the household, was terrified of the baroness but it was his loyalty and fierce love for Ella that prevented his wife from fully revealing her abhorrence towards the faultless child.

He begged her to make compromises with Ella's punishments and the baroness was often less brutal towards Ella than she would have liked as she recognised her own financial independence on the 'useless old fool'.

He also scolded the baroness' two wicked daughters (when she was not around) for taunting poor Ella out of spite, envy and occasionally for their own amusement when they were bored.

Unlike their mother, their eyes were not cold and calculating, but dim and empty, as though the pair were simply stupid, teasing zombies in extravagant ball gowns and excessive clown makeup.

The eldest, Mable, had a pointy nose that resembled her mother's and was often seen in comically enormous, poufy dresses that caused her to trip quite often, which she would blame on the dog tripping her up. The problem with this was that the family dog had died nearly three years ago, but Mable had not seemed to have noticed.

What she lacked in fashion sense, she did not make up for in intelligence or talent.

She would often sing throughout the halls of the manor house in a high-pitched, scratchy voice that could awaken the dead. One time, she sung a lullaby with such aggression that the mice came scurrying out of their hole all at once, probably afraid that her singing would cause an earthquake. A day later, she belted out a note so suddenly that Buttons, who was two floors below her, fell off a stool while attempting to hang a chandelier and injured his wrist. He was furious that he could not braid Ella's hair for her for a week.

Not only was she stupid and untalented, she was also incredibly unobservant. She would turn scarlet underneath her thick makeup whenever anyone reminded her of the time she walked around the market with her skirt tucked into one of her petticoats all day.

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