Will you continue battling regardless of whether the one you are fighting for is as of the moment giving up? How can you fight if the reason you're fighting for wants to end it?
This is a story of a family who is fighting cancer. After months of bat...
It's 5 am in the morning yet I'm still wide awake. Yesterday, pumayag na si Eula na magpasurgery para alisin yung tumor niya sa liver.
And that didn't let me sleep.
I looked at my beautiful angel who was sleeping soundly beside me. All I can think about is that I can't afford to loose her. Never.
Questions started to cross my mind. What if she doesn't survive? I don't think I can live, knowing that she's no longer beside me. What if she doesn't make it? What will happen to us? Her family? What if hindi maging successful ang operasyon? Na paano kung tuluyan na siyang mawala sa'kin? Sa'min?
So many questions in my mind but I got no answer to each of them.
I got out of bed and went to our veranda. It feels lonely and quiet, heavy and dark. Will this be my life if Eula doesn't make it? Maybe worse.
Marami na kaming pinagdaanan ni Eula. Alam ko namang kakayanin 'to, basta manalig lang tayo. Pero kasi 'di ko maiwasan na mag-isip ng kung ano ano. Natatakot ako. I love Eula that much and I know that if I were given a chance, I'd take her place.
Eula became the center of my world since I met her. She was with me during my lowest points in this lifetime. She never hesitated to be with me. When everyone else was doubting me, she continued to believe in me.
She is the only person that I want to believe in me. And by that, I know I am capable of doing what I need to do.
Eula loved me more than I loved myself. She accepted everything about me. Even my flaws. She didn't just accept it, she even embraced it.
She never failed to show love, care and support. She was always proud of me even if I know that I failed. She always told me to never give up on anything. And God knows that I would never ever give up on her.
"Hey.." I felt someone tapped my shoulder and sat beside me. It was Eula.
"Why are you up this early?" She asked softly.
"Nagising lang ako bigla. Ikaw, bakit ka nagising?" I said as I wrapped my arms around her shoulder.
"Nawala ka sa tabi ko, akala ko kung saan ka na nagpunta," she answered and rested her head on my shoulder.
"Mag-ssunrise na, diba favorite mo 'yun?" She asked and I nodded.
This is my favorite time of the day. The sunrise never failed to amaze me. Not just by its beauty but also because it tells me that it's a new beginning. A start of something spectacular. Another day with Eula and my family.
Minutes passed, and we just remained silent. Feeling each other's emotions. I can sense that she wasn't okay but I just didn't bother to ask.
"What's wrong?" she asked all of a sudden pero umiling ako.
"Kilala kita, Albert. I know you too well kaya wala kang maitatago sa'kin. Alam kong something's bothering you," she continued. "Let me guess.. the operation 'no?"
I sighed and faced her. "Wag mo na ituloy please," I held her hand. "Di ko kayang mawala ka..."
I saw tears building up in her eyes, and she was trying her best not to let it fall. She caressed my face. "Please don't make this hard for me. Ayokong iwan kayo, but I'm doing for us. Para matahimik na tayo," she said.
"Hon, hindi kami kahit kailan matatahimik pag nawala ka," I pleaded as tears started to stream down from my face. I was breaking down in front of her.
She pulled me closer and guided my head towards her neck. "Hindi ako mawawala. 'Yan ang tatandaan niyo. Maari akong mamatay physically but I'll always be beside you guys. Papanoorin ko kayo, I'll guide you," she whispered.
"Let's just hope for the best. Malay mo maging successful naman ang operasyon. Diba sabi niyo think positive ako palagi? Oh, kayo naman magthink positive," she answered, trying to sound okay.
I'm trying to think positive pero 'di ko maiwasan na mag-overthink. Isang mali lang sa operation, pwedeng mawala lahat.
I kissed her forehead and our eyes got locked with each other's. I saw a tear fall down from her eyes. She rested her head on my shoulder as the sun began to rise.
Sunrise. Sana ganyan pa after her operation. A new chapter in Eula's life. A new beggining. Na sana kagaya siya ng pagsikat ng araw na magsisimula ulit ng panibago.
Wag naman sana katulad ng paborito niyang paglubog ng araw. Na naghuhudyat na yun na ang katapusan ng araw. Pero in her case, buhay ang matatapos sa kanya. Sana naman hindi.
"Please guide her, Lord," I thought as I caressed her shoulder.
"Tapos na yung sunrise, pasok na tayo," she said and I obliged.
When we reached the room, I quickly sat on the bed and she did too.
"Hon?" She whispered. "Please don't stress yourself on the operation," she said softly.
"Instead, let's just make the most of the time I still have. Magsaya tayo, ienjoy natin yung time before my operation dahil we'll never know what might happen. Maybe, just maybe, hindi ko kayanin pero hindi natin alam. But I assure you, lalaban ako sa operasyon. Ayoko naman kayong iwan, alam mo 'yan. Mahal na mahal ko kayo, at kaya ko lang kayo tunutulak palayo kasi.." she paused and breathed heavily. "Dahil gusto ko lumayo loob niyo sa'kin, para kapag nawala ako, 'di na kayo masasaktan masyado." She bowed her and wiped the tears the fell down from her eyes then I held her hand.
"Hon, alam mong hinding hindi 'yun mangyayari," I said. "Look at me, look at me. Do you honestly think na if you push us away, tuluyang lalayo 'yung loob namin sa'yo?" I said and my wife slowly nodded. I placed my hand on her thigh and she put hers on top.
"That won't happen, my love. Kahit gaano mo pa kami itulak palayo, hinding hindi mangyayari 'yun. Mahal na mahal ka namin at hindi ka namin susukuan at hinding hindi lalayo ang loob namin. Oo, minsan aaminin ko nahihirapan ako kapag ayaw mo kumain, pero hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. Basta ikaw yun, kahit ano pang hirap, kakayanin. Alam mo, minsan din nafefeel ko na tinutulak mo kami palayo pero 'di ko pinansin dahil alam kong hindi ka magtatagumpay dun. Kahit anong tulak mo palayo, andito pa rin kami. Understand?"
She didn't respond and hugged me as I felt my shirt get wet because of her tears. Then the next thing I did was to reminisce some moments of us.
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