Teacher's Pet

Chapter 8: Library and Book Talk

Jennie's mind was a whirl of emotions by the end of her journey to Mr. Bin's classroom. She felt terribly bad about what she had done, she concluded. Hopefully Ms. Manoban didn't construct her behaviour in a negative way. Although, the brunette wouldn't exactly blame her if she had. After all, she left without another word upon speaking her thoughts, and releasing more information about how she felt towards the brunette. The last thing that she wanted to do was make the English teacher feel uncomfortable. She felt, though, that she had gotten too far, and went beyond where she had originally intended upon sitting with her teacher during lunch hour.

She knew how the rest of her day was going to be by just this moment, or so she thought as she slid into her seat next to Rosé. Jennie's mind was going to be working over the subject for the rest of the day, contemplating different outcomes for the day's events. Because if she did this differently, or had done that a different way, or perhaps handled a situation in an entirely different manner, she might not be so goddamn distracted. Rosé was saying something beside her, but Jennie wasn't paying attention.

After all of the events of the day, it all ended on just one simple image. One small scene that Jennie just could not, for the life of her, get out of her head. After all, it was the entire reason why she had fled the room prematurely. And for some reason, it just scared the hell out of her. Something inside of her just sparked and told her to get away. Something was just not right about any of it. That look on Ms. Manoban's visage had Jennie completely taken aback. The reason was slowly coming to the brunette the more she gave thought about that particular moment.

The look in the woman's eyes had only been given to Jennie twice in her life, and as independent and isolated as her life had been without the usual general kindness, it was quite rare. So, that it had happened again only left the brunette baffled as to why Ms. Manoban would give her such a look.

The first time she received such a look of admiration was when she was old enough to remember it. She was two. Of course, many would say that it would be such an impossibility to remember something, especially a look, at such a young age. And, yes, it was uncanny, but Jennie remembered it. Around that very age were the years that she had remembered the most. Every other year of her childhood had been a blur. But then, at that age, she remembered most vividly. At that time, she was loved. It was the first time that she had ever been loved- or so she thought since her parents had given her up- and it was the last time. That was, until she had met the Lees. That would be the second time she would have received such a look of love and admiration as a brand new addition to a small, young family.

And, now, she had seen such a similar look on Ms. Manoban's face after she had said those words. Perhaps it wasn't love, but it was enough to scare the hell out of Jennie. It had happened when she had first had a connection with the Lees. That look shot dread throughout her entire body and she wanted to just turn and flee. And, of course, she had. She escaped to her own bedroom.

The reason for that being was quite a simple, yet so complex, explanation. Being loved and showing love was just not something Jennie was used to. But there were the people in her life that drew these feelings out of her and pushed towards her that showed that she was indeed capable of loving and being loved.

But her feet weren't on steady ground. She still hadn't trusted any of it. And the blame would be pushed to the very first family that she had been fostered by. That sweet, young couple with smiling faces and loving eyes. They gave Jennie every ounce of their love, which the little girl would remember like any child should. But that was not Jennie's case. She remembered, alright, but she remembered for entirely different reasons. That family just tossed her aside like some old toy that a child didn't want to play with anymore after receiving a brand new one. The woman got pregnant, and Jennie still didn't quite understand why, but they decided to send her back. Even at three, Jennie knew it wasn't right, and even if she hadn't, the kids at the orphanage teased her every single day until she knew that it wasn't. Until she knew that she wasn't wanted. She was a reject. She would never be loved. And Jennie grew up believing that.