But Never Doubt I Love

Chapter 7

I was still gaping at Josh while he looked at me with an unreadable expression. Shakespeare was something that you had to learn at school, something that everyone did for the sake of their education, not something that you memorised out of a liking towards it like I had. I would never have expected for Josh to show some form of favour towards it either, as he did when he quoted William Shakespeare.

"Hey is that Josh?" Anna piped up from the laptop unhelpfully. Due to my positioning, she was able to look over my shoulder to the doorway. "He's handsome. You don't like him though, you find him rude and annoying. But he's weirdly smart and intellectual; and quotes Shakespeare. It's like a damn Wattpad novel."

I looked at her incredulously, "Shut up Anna," I hissed in mortification. She simply chuckled in response. "Okay, I got to go, bye, talk tomorrow. See ya and DON'T call back," I finished hastily, desperate to end the conversation before Josh heard it, that would be embarrassing. I slammed my Macbook shut with more force than probably necessary.

"Who's that? Why does she know me? Were you talking about me?" he asked as soon as my laptop was closed. I was getting nervous now.

"That's one of my best friends and No, we weren't talking about you." I lied quickly. I mean, we weren't technically talking about him at the time, only prior to his arrival. I suddenly realised the fact that he was a few mere meters away from my room at the doorway. "What are you doing in my room? Why are you quoting Shakespeare? Are you in love with Shakespeare?" The last question was about off the rails, but I did it to humour myself, wondering what my response would be.

"Woah," He held up his hands in front of his chest, long elegant ones - they would make beautiful pianist's fingers, I thought. "You're talking like you're from the bloody Spanish Inquisition."

"You know I've never actually understood that phrase," I mused, "Historically, it is very incorrect. The Spanish Inquisition, also referred to as the Inquisition, was formed in order to purify catholicism throughout Spain. The Spanish Monarch actually were trying to get rid of Jews, abusing their power and dominance in the country. They ended up making numerous new laws for Jews regarding marriages, interactions amongst each other which soon resulted in deaths, killings, expulsions and..." I stopped with embarrassment. I only just realised that I was trailing off and was talking excessively. I was letting my nerdy, historical side of me come out, much to my mortification.

Josh only smiled at me, "So, you're kind of a history nerd, are you?" He said in a mocking tone.

I flushed at that, "Don't abuse my smart attributes and love for history. It is very stimulating for my learning," I said in a quipped tone, my head held high in the air. "Anyways, you're the Shakespeare nerd, you're the one who randomly walks in and starts quoting him."

"I'm not a Shakespeare nerd," he scowled. It seemed like he took offence to this, which only enlarged my satisfaction of his discomfort. "I had to do a lot of Shakespeare from years 7-10 and then in my free time I simply read some more that was of interest. Along the way I simply ended up memorising it."

"Right," I said, dubious. "It's okay really, I kind of adore William Shakespeare." At that he gave me a boyish grin, that lit up his face. His forest green eyes crinkled slightly and his hair was immaculate and fluffy and soft looking on top of his head. His smile was kind of charming, welcoming and so familiar. It was then that a series of memories came back to me suddenly

I walked to my brother's room with a couple of apples, eager to see if he and his friend would like them.

I was only 13, at that stage where my only interactions with boys consisted of interactions with my brothers friends when they came to our house. Like any other young teenage girl, my nonexistent love life was a priority, thus I took any opportunity to talk to his friends, in this case offering them apples. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best excuse.

I was just slightly pushing the already open door, only to be stopped when I heard a conversation I most definitely would regret hearing later.

"Anna's really cute, I want to talk to her more," I heard my brothers voice.

"Yeah, she is really pretty. No offence, but your sister is kind of ugly, kind of fat and chubby. I definitely don't want to get closer to her," I hear another voice respond, an all too familiar one.

It was Josh, I think, one of Alex's friends that he had met on holiday this year. I was shocked to hear him say that, so blatantly and so rudely. One of the apples in my hand dropped out of surprise, and rolled onto the floor. This caught the attention of both the boys. I had noticed how my brother hadn't bothered defending me after Josh said that, which at the time, made me hate them even more. Green eyes flashed up to mine and widened in shock. I then caught a flash of sympathy and regret from my brothers eyes as he looked up at me.

I was mad, too furious and I could start seeing red blurring my eyesight, evidence of my rage. I ran away and noticed my brother following me but kept running out of the house and down towards Tallows Beach. My brother must have stopped following me at some point, giving up on me.

The rest of that summer I would not wear a bikini anymore, always a rashie and some trunks on top. If anyone noticed, no one commented, although I was positive my brother knew what the case was. I also didn't see Josh for the rest of the summer, in hindsight it was probably just a silly comment that shouldn't have affected me so much, but it definitely did. When I got back to Sydney and back to school, amongst girls and boys and challenges in high school, I realised that perhaps I wasn't being admired the way the other girls in my year were.

That kinda made me want to change, I exercised a bit more, lost a bit of weight. I wasn't crazily overweight before hand, just had a bit of extra fat around my thighs and on my tummy. I also decided that I was going to be independent about this, I wasn't going to wait to get a boys confirmation of my body to feel comfortable with it. I decided that I would work out and exercise and do it until I felt comfortable with my own body, which I did and and I still do as I stand by my philosophy.

Josh was now looking at me curiously, as he probably realised that I was staring at him but not really focusing on him, but rather dazed in my memories.

"You," I said. He looked surprised at my harsh tone, taken aback by my hostility. "You called me fat and ugly when I was 13 one summer. Do you remember?"

He looked dazed in thought for a bit before his eyes lit up in recognition, before soon turning into mortification. "Oh gosh, I remember. That was not such a good summer. After I said that your brother was really pissed and we didn't hang out together for the rest of the summer."

"That's all you have to say?!" I cried indignantly. "You blatantly body-shamed me. There's a reason that majority of the percentage suffering from eating disorders such as Anorexia Nervosia are female. We are much more self-conscious and paranoid about our bodies," I lectured, "so next time when you comment on a girl and choose to shame them, do NOT body-shame them."

He looked slightly pale, but still mostly unwavering. I saw something flash in his eyes, regret perhaps?

"Well, is it's any consolation," Josh started, "you look really good now. Like you're super hot and pretty."

I blushed at that, it wasn't often I was complimented in my appearance, your dads compliments hardly counted; he was basically complimenting his own genes. I chided myself for reacting to his comment, rage boiling in my veins again.

"Not the point. The point is you shouldn't stay stuff like that to girls. Now get of my room before I massacre your head out of rage."

"Okay," he held up his hands defeat, "Well, whatever its in the past, and if anything it looks like I helped you. I actually came in here to ask if you wanted some froyo. We're getting UberEats."

Seriously, he still hasn't understood.

"I said get out before I massacre your head," I grinded out before slamming the door of my room in his face.