Second Chance

Flip Through

The food was bland. As per usual.

I didn't complain. Not one bit. Those instant eggs and home grown bacon have been the only breakfast food I can remember eating.

It's now eight. With a new schedule written out for the Drawing, our normal routine is messed up. The guards are to take us outside for some fresh air, but the square we go to is being set up for the ceremony. A stage is being built, a video screen is being displayed, and the placement the climate control around the entire block will take awhile.

The only thing inmates can do now is remain in their cell. A few hang out in the indoor common areas but I don't feel like hanging out with the already divided inmates for more than I have to. Instead, I go to the only place that no one dares to follow.

I'm perusing the room they consider calling the library. Being one of the few privileged ones has its perks. I have so many Tallies from the past decade, I can spend them on whatever or wherever I want, that is, inside the compound. Special accommodations such as better quality soaps, bedding, new shoes, and more. It is how I am able to keep my journals and pencils in my cell.

So many memories surround this space. The large cluster of tables still remain, inviting to me even when I have read every book in this place. I walk over to the only book shelf in the library and skim a finger across the spines.

I remember reading that one, and this one; I remember learning about the now extinct aquatic creatures from The Deep Depths of Sea Life. But nothing can compare to my favorite book.

It takes me a while to scan for the spine but I quickly find it's beaten cover: The Encyclopedia.

Everything I know, is inside this book. I probably read this cover to cover more than a dozen times. This was before I found out there were more volumes. They sit behind the circulation desk under lock and key because of how expensive they are. When the clerk at the front noticed my fascination of reading and learning, she suggested that we order more books. She offered many genres but I didn't know what they were at the time. I only knew The Encyclopedia. So, I asked for more of these and they ordered a whole set of volumes. All different from one another.

I didn't have to use any Tallies for them. No one had ever used their Tallies to obtain books so they let it slide. If I wanted a new book after that, however, I had to pay up. I didn't argue.

These will be the only things I will miss in this place. Well, except for the memories. Those will be going with me.

That is if I get chosen.

I take The Encyclopedia and bring it over to one of the many empty tables. Flipping through these yellowed pages feels nostalgic. Maybe I can convince the Chancellor to let me bring it with me.

You haven't even been chosen yet, Leila, I think to myself.

There should be a higher chance of being drawn for those who have been in solitude for almost a decade. Add the perfect record and my large sum of Tallies into the mix, I'm practically the only option. Sure there have been inmates who are chosen and have committed larger crimes than I have, but that can't bring me down.

This Drawing feels different. The energy flowing through my body seems more exuberant than the four Drawings from last year, and the years before. This is the one.

And if I don't get chosen, there will be another in three months. Two more after that one.

You say this after every Drawing and it's never you who gets picked.

Those were before. This one is now. I just know–

Give up. Go back to reading and being alone.