Journal of my broken mind

describing mania when manic

Hey, my name is Teagan. 🤷🏼‍♀️

And I'm manic right now, suppose it would be nice to have some piece of article or text describing how it feels.

Well, it's hard to describe the true feeling down to the core when it takes me almost five minutes to write one sentence right now.

But if I had to say how it feels to someone who doesn't understand I'd say; it feels like all of your emotions are intensified and your mind races faster then you can handle.

Thinking often is a hard thing to do, even some times physically exhausting.

I feel pressure built up in the back of my head and running down my neck, talking to people in this state isn't easy.

Like if someone had a gun to your back and you had to act normal, but give them a plead for help at the same time.

You want them to know about your great anxiety and apprehension but can't because your mind is on a high way of thirty miles per hour.

A good example is I just had a thought on how to explain this, but it slipped under...

I like to do mundane tasks while feeling like this.

Like; I.e starring up at the night sky, focusing on nothing but my breathing and heartbeat, or more often than not listen to music.

Being manic inst fun, it's not like being in a constant state of partying and tons of inspiration, it can be but that's not how anyone should see it.

Just putting a few words on paper is difficult and heavy at times.

Being manic isn't something you should envy, even when sometimes it feels great and all you want is to stay like this and slipping back into depression, or coming back down from an intoxicating high can kill you, make you sob or even crash so far away from yourself you lose all feeling at all.

It's a drug, and you are addicted.

But this drug you can't stop and you will never get off it.

You are hooked for life.