under the covers [hs au]

chapter thirty-two.

tw:// depression, suicide.

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Samira felt as though she were nothing.

She was a crisp autumn leaf that fell onto the ground, only to be crushed by a shoe or to get blown by the wind.

At a moment when she should've been proud, she felt numb. She walked onto the stage to receive her degree, cheers from her loved ones passing through her ears. She expected there to be a rush in her veins, a flash of all of the happiness. It wasn't there.

After Samira came home from the ceremony, she stood alone in front of the mirror, still adorning her cap and gown. She saw no one.

There wasn't anything in the world that was worse: Samira found herself worthless.

When the torture of the lonely night ended, the torture of a lonely day began. She drifted through the streets like a feather, any words she heard going in through one ear and out the other.

For her yearly checkup, Samira sat on the examination table, answering the nurse's questions. Though she only responded factually, every word felt so empty on her tongue.

The doctor walked in and went over her results. When they uttered the three words, a familiar burden returned to her shoulders, heaving on her.

She should've heard those words at her checkup six years ago, back when she was lost with no one to help her. Back when she knew the truth about the inner workings of her brain, but others couldn't accept it.

Samira accepted the news as soon as she heard it. Denying the fact was the worst possible thing she could do to herself.

The doctor allowed Samira the time to think through before choosing medication and deciding whether she should disclose it with others.

Amidst the bad news, there was only one good thing. In a month, Samira would be back home. Safe and sound, alone as she pleased. Home was all she really needed. She denied it when she packed her bags for Liverpool, rolled her eyes when Wapa told her she'd yearn to be home, but here she was, doing exactly that.

Through the rainy streets, Samira walked back to her apartment. In her mind, countless choices materialized. While they consumed her inside, she thoughtlessly watched her boots slosh into the puddles. The first face she was going to see was Harry's. She hoped to hell he'd mind his business and not meddle in her daily affairs, asking where she was or what she was doing. She decided to end it, there and then, before things could get worse than they already were.

Samira was brave, as her father always said. She couldn't pretend to be someone she wasn't anymore.

So right now, she needed to be brave.

With rain dripping from her hair, Samira stepped inside her apartment, smothering her wet shoes into the rug.

"Samira?"

Harry grinned at her. Before she even saw him, she could feel his presence, his aura. She felt a pit in her stomach, a smothering darkness. Her eyes shifted towards the dim hall, lit only by candlelight. It smelled pleasant, like roses and pine. The sound of the pattering rain was a welcome guest, as it ensured that she didn't hear only Harry's voice.

His cheeks were red, dimples prominent. Right there in his smile, she could see it: his heart. She remembered seeing it for the first time, its kindness, its loyalty. It was the first time that he had her back without her even having to ask.

She wished his smile still felt like that.

"How are you?" He leaned in, kissing her forehead.