𝒊 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎! | 𝒔. 𝒌𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒊𝒓𝒐

𝒂 𝒃𝒂𝒅 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅

You're heading to your dorm and are walking past the soccer field when you hear someone yelling your name.

"L/n-san! L/n-san!!!" The voice calls then suddenly grabs your arm and turns you around.

You look in shock to see the face that you had been trying to avoid all day long.

"L/n-san... I need to talk to you!" Shirabu says seriously.

You hesitate and then try to pull away from his grasp on your arm but he doesn't budge.

"I don't want to talk."

"I don't care. You need to listen to what I have to say!" he pleads.

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Because, L/n-san... I messed up, okay? It wasn't your fault at all—"

"It was," You interrupt him with a calm voice, "It was all my fault."

He shakes his head.

"Listen to what I have to say first."

You shake your head and try to release your arm from his grasp again.

"I want to go to my room!"

"You need to listen to what I need to say first then you can go, L/n-san!"

"No!"

"Then I'll listen to whatever you need to say!" Shirabu says back. "... I'll listen to whatever things you need to say about me. Express yourself. I won't argue or complain... let it all out."

You stare in shock. You knew that you shouldn't but all of that anger and sadness you kept to yourself was already filled up.

"Fine, you want to hear what I want to say? I'm angry, not at you but at myself. I... I don't want to hate myself but I do. I hate myself for being too naïve and giving in to people. I'm angry because I thought you were different from everyone else, but you aren't. I had convinced myself that, oh hey, maybe he does see me as a regular human being and not some kind of queen. You didn't seem like someone who wants to be my friend out of popularity. Do you see me at school? How many friends do I have, even though everyone knows me? ONE! And of course I love her, but when she isn't there, I do want to rely on more people. So, I guess I forced that on you and thought you were different but you aren't, and it isn't anyone's fault but mine for thinking that way and mostly... thinking that I was your friend!"

You pant and just stare at him with hurting eyes as he stares back at them with horror. Horror, because he never knew you were going through so much trouble. His assumption that you were just playing around with him was a misconception. You finally pull your arm from his grasp then take a few steps back. It is quiet for a while as the two of you are trying to calm down and process what is going on.

"I... I'm sorry," He suddenly gives you a 90 degree bow. Thankfully, no one was there to hear your guys' conversation. "I'm sorry for abandoning you and making you wait for 7 hours at the cafe," Shirabu continues to speak as calmly as he can, but his voice shakes. He honestly didn't know what to say exactly, but his heart ached seeing you hurt. He never wanted to hurt you. He felt like he had no right to be mad but the more he spoke, the madder he felt. "I ran into a fri... no... a past schoolmate and she told me that you would leave if I didn't come within 30 minutes; I idiotically believed her. She wanted to spend time with me so I unconsciously just listened to her and agreed to go with her," Shirabu confesses, "I even thought that hanging out with her might've been more fun than studying with you..."

You just stare at his bowing figure, hurt by what he said.

"But I was wrong; it sucked. She used up all of my money I had on me on that day and just talked about herself the entire time even though she claimed she missed me. For some reason, I thought that she was my friend but it may have just been lingering feelings because I felt so lonely and unhappy."

He turns his hands into fists.

"I know I have no good reason to be angry... but my whole body feels like it's about to burst," he continues then looks up at you.

"You are my friend... I had been denying this the entire time that we were friends because I was afraid to accept you into my life. I... I have a difficult time befriending girls usually and she was my friend before I started to feel like this. So, I thought she could cure my loneliness, but I was wrong.... and that's why I feel so guilty and mad at myself... Because I abandoned my friend, who believed in me, for someone who just used me," He says then grabs both of your shoulders to pull you closer to him.

He continues, "It makes me even more angry thinking that I would've had more fun spending Saturday with her than you. I'm even more furious hearing you say it's your fault when you did nothing wrong! I deserve every bad thing that has come my way, because it was not as bad as what I did to you!" You stare at him in shock as he pants from saying his speech all in one breath.

"I'm sorry," his hands shake on your shoulders, "for treating you so rudely throughout our friendship... You shouldn't have liked a guy like me." He finishes and shakily let's go of your shoulders.

Shirabu was a very self conscious person ever since his break up with his first love. That's why he decided once he got into high school, he would focus on volleyball, work, and education. He didn't have the confidence to have any kind of relationship with a girl, so he had totally given up on the entire concept. However, when you walked into his life, his mindset slowly changed when getting to know you. You weren't the type of girl he thought you would be. A snobby, arrogant, and selfish queen. You were a fun, playful, kind, and down-to-earth person who saw him as the person he wanted people to see him as. He tried to deny all of it and that's why he is so frustrated with himself. He hurt the person who understood and knew him the most even though they had met 3 weeks ago. He was frustrated because he had hurt his friend.