The Price of Falling

Chapter 14

"No. No way," Conner said vehemently. I shushed him, signalling for him to keep his voice down, considering we were in a public place.

"That's not big news, Conner. Everyone knows I am," I responded. Because that would make it less weird.

"What do you take me for, Smithey?" Now we were back to a last-name basis. Okay.

"Look, I have a couple of reasons for wanting to do this," I said. Conner looked disgusted. It was ironic that he was now judging me instead of the other way around. I felt a little rejected by the way his eyes were boring into mine.

"Well, please, enlighten me," he said. We sat in silence for a few seconds, and he just awkwardly stared at me. I finally started on my short list of reasons for wanting to lose my virginity in a "friends-with-benefits" situation.

"Well, first of all, I think it's better to lose your virginity to someone you're friends with, rather than a complete stranger. And I feel like we're a little more than just acquaintances now. I mean, we've known each other forever. So we're friends, right?" He nodded his head, but stayed silent, urging me to continue. "And, secondly, I don't want to be 'the virgin' at college. That's going to be awkward as hell." Again, he nodded, still listening intently. "And, lastly, because of what happened at the party."

"Wait," Conner held his hand up to stop me. "What do you mean because of what happened at the party?" I was referring to what happened with Frankie Wilkinson at Jack Nickson's party.

"Well, I have a feeling if I had told Frankie I wasn't a virgin, he would've lost interest," I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"No. Griffin. You can't...Frankie's a dick. What happened at the party was solely his fault," I knew that Conner was about to tell me that I couldn't blame myself. And I wasn't blaming myself. I was only stating a theory of what might've happened.

"I know that it's solely his fault. I'm not blaming myself, trust me," I said. "I just know that when I told him I was still a virgin, that just spurred him on. It's like he wanted it more. And I feel like if I had said I wasn't a virgin, he wouldn't have been as keen to...you know...," I didn't want to finish my sentence.

"Yeah, I know." Conner's fists were balled at his sides, and he had a murderous look in his eyes. His shoulders were tense. I reached up and touched his shoulder, and when he looked up at me, he relaxed.

"I know it sounds stupid, and I understand if you don't want to do it," I said, removing my hand from his shoulder. I was slightly less embarrassed than I had been moments before, but my stomach was still doing tiny flips in my belly.

"Okay, Griff. Sure. But you have to promise me one thing," Conner looked back down at his lap.

"What?" I asked. I was surprised that he had said yes, and even more surprised that he had conditions.

"You'll take it slow. I don't want to do anything if you're not comfortable with it. I've never been with a virgin before," he looked like a little kid when he said these things. Was I the virgin here, or was he? I guess it would be a first for both of us.

"Fine. And obviously, I have a list of conditions myself," I said, smiling. If I could do one thing, it was write a list.

Conner laughed a tiny laugh, rolled his eyes, and said, "Of course you do. Let's hear them."

"Well, first, we will not try to make it like a regular relationship. No dating each other. And no jealousy. We are allowed to see other people. Actually, I would prefer it. No cuddling. No more than three hookups a week. No sleeping over--,"

"We've already broken that rule, haven't we?" Conner laughed.

"Ha ha. Yes, but no more," I retorted. "Can I continue with my list now?"

"There's more?" he widened his eyes in mock-horror.

"Yes. Now, listen. No sleeping over. We will always use protection. And the minute one of us starts to catch feelings or get bored, we cut it off. No questions asked."

"Sounds good, Mr. Miyagi of FWB. Is that all?" Conner made fun of my rules. I knew he would.

"Yes. That's all. Unless you have something you want to add?" I asked. I wanted him to feel open to adding rules. The more rules, the better.

"I think you covered it all. Except one thing," he said. I nodded. "It's friends-with-benefits. If it's not fun, there's no point. So remember to have fun, Griffy," he smiled that dimpled smile at me. You know, the one that would make your mother faint. His gray eyes seemed lighter than usual. They looked like clouds. Mischievous clouds.

"Ugh, that nickname is stupid," I groaned, changing the subject.

"You love it," Conner joked, throwing his arm around my shoulder. I grabbed his hand, and moved his arm back to his side.

"One more rule. No physical contact in public."