My little out bursts. Feeling. Thoughts. Memories.

Crap. Stupid mistakes.

Mistakes. Mistakes. Mistakes.
Okay. Breath.

This isn't totally your fault right?
Yes no it is all your fault.
No it's both Of our faults.

I had no feelings for him, it just happened and it was more to keep me happy he was there and it just happened he only thinks of it like that too! But when it came to you i had 100000000 feelings for you! For godness sakes I think I love you. And yes I have been beating myself up about all this. I should have told you! But you already knew deep down didn't you? Well why the f**k are you making me feel like crap when you wanted it to. You admitted that to my face!!! You said to me "you don't even understand who long I have waited for you"
Well actually I do. You don't realise how jealous I am. Of you and her. Yes she's nice and a really lovely girl but I can't help but have a slight dislike for her because of my feelings so I'm sorry. But I'm asking you not to walk out on me. Please?

I promise I will do anything for forgiveness, doesn't that mean something to you?
Clearly not. You say "give me a few days" what does that mean ok yes I'll back off let you decide whether you can be my friend.
Wait how do I feel about this. I can't even do anything to prove to you im sorry.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! How do I deal with this! I can't tbh. The onto thing I have to focus on is my horses. So let's do that. Oh but wait I'm selling my baby girl. Taking on a hack that yes I love but he will never do Some of the things I did with my wee mare. But then again he can do things she couldn't do! So give and take right.

I want to find a hill and scream and shout and cry to no one! Just so I feel better! Omg the next week is gonna be so gruelling until I find out the verdict. Wish me luck.