My little out bursts. Feeling. Thoughts. Memories.

Horrible news lead to this...

I hate change I hate it! Why. no. please. I don't want it to change I just started to like how things were! You said to me forever. Forever just stopped. Why. Can't it stay how it was please. Don't take everything away from me again! I'll run back to how I was before I met you. Everything will go horrible again. I can't cope with that! Everything will go down fast very fast it already so as im worrying this im crying in tears and I don't know why. I want them to stop they just won't. I feel like I can't breath. One breath two breath. Can't i atleast come with you. You still want me here well you say you do but do you mean it. You said forever. It's hurting a lot. I can't go back to how things were that was shit it was upsetting, depressing and every other fucking sad word out there. Stay please. You tell me not to cry but I don't know how else to cope. Coping bullshit. But life is bullshittttt isn't it. No one will read this but atleast I know it made me feel better better than how I was. But I used to be happy. Now I'm constantly worried. And my worried became a reality. Why the fuck. Argh no. You go I go. But I can't can I.... There are so many reasons why this is gonna hurt im gonna struggle and this time I don't know if I can pull through it. That place was my home. The only place I felt safe happy everything. I hope you get happiness out of this. I know I won't but atleast you will go far. I'll stay here the same as little old lexi has been. Fuck that. Why. I know why who am I kidding. I know you will benefit. Why isn't that enough for me. Maybe because I thought it was for forever. But forever always has an ending. And it just ended.