Things That Origin Four Does That Other Wattpaders Probably Don't Do

14

Venus: I think the crux of all human misery stems from the fact that our skeletons just want to sit around and accumulate dust in an ancient barrow but our meat has its own agenda which creates a fundamental conflict of interests.

Venus: like, my organs keep whining about self preservation but my bones? Playing the waiting game.

Venus: there is comfort in knowing the bones will win.

Zia: ...

Zia: I just asked if you wanted to go out for coffee, damn.

~~~

Rain: do you ever get so frustrated with a video game that you are no longer rational and you start literally jumping into pits because maybe that's the fucking solution to this bullshit of a dungeon puzzle?

Jazmine: all the time bro.

~~~

Zia: 2020 is so fucking surreal.

Zia: like, we started off the year with Australia burning and the possibility of a third World War, then a global pandemic that's forcing everyone to stay home, and now there's a new Twilight book.

Venus: ...

Venus: "a new Twilight book"

Venus: what the hell.

~~~

Jazmine: so how do you guys tell your ex you still love them?

Venus: I don't.

Rain: I do.

Zia: uhhh...

~~~

Jazmine: you guys make fun of anime fans but have you ever talked to someone obsessed with musicals?

Zia: *screaming Ex-Wives in the background*

~~~

Rain: maybe I'm still single because I didn't forward that chain email to 17 of my closest friends five years ago.

~~~

Venus: if she's your wife then why she pin my feta cheese vegetarian lasagna recipe to her pinterest board?

~~~

Rain: my entire life is an example of idiot plot.

Venus: what's idiot plot?

Jazmine: any plot containing problems that would be instantly solved if all the characters weren't idiots.

~~~

Rain: I wonder who's ruining my life?

Rain: *looks in mirror*

Rain: so we meet again.

~~~

Jazmine: *places a button on the table: would you press the button if you get the superpower of your choice but your life becomes one giant musical-

Zia: *aggressively smacks button*

~~~

Zia: *smashes down the door* SO AM I A SHY EXTROVERT OR AN OUTGOING INTROVERT?

Jazmine: ...

Jazmine: it's called ambivert.

Zia: *throws up finger guns and walks backwards out of her room* okay sweet thanks

Jazmine: *goes back to her recording* ah shit I forgot to hit stop recording.

Jazmine: this will make for a very interesting YouTube video.

~~~

Someone: I think the world of you and I appreciate having you in my life, you're smart and talented and beautiful. I love you.

Rain, a person who is unable to respond well to compliments and has trouble expressing emotions: *finger guns* cool beans.

~~~

Venus: I AM GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH

Venus: WITH MY MOUTH

Venus: SOFTLY

Venus: CAUSE I LIKE YOU.

Jazmine, who was coaching Venus on what to say to her crush: *sighs* that's not how this works.

Venus: aw man.

~~~

Rain: so how do you make someone holy?

Zia: I dunno, how?

Rain: you beat the hell out of them.

Zia: ...

Zia: we're pagans tho.

~~~

Venus: astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the Earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day.

Zia: *face palms*

~~~

Jazmine: *showing off her degree* that's right everyone, I paid multiple dollars to the government in order to obtain sporadic sprinklings of knowledge I forgot two months after the class ended.

~~~

Zia: next time there's an awkward silence, just lean over and whisper "did you forget your line?"

Rain: or when you can't think of something to say, sigh dramatically and yell "LINE!"

Jazmine: found the theater kids, get em boys!

~~~

Zia: ADHD is literally just always like "that's for future me to deal with."

Zia: I could literally be bleeding out on the floor, and ADHD would be like "don't worry about that man you have plenty of time to sort that out later."

~~~

Jazmine: so I found a story I wrote years ago.

Rain: oof.

Jazmine: obviously it was awful, but here are some good highlights.

Rain: okay.

Jazmine: "He was, unfortunately, handsome." and "My apartment was broken into. They took everything but the cat and the garlic salt."