Things That Origin Four Does That Other Wattpaders Probably Don't Do

15

Venus: *typing angrily* I hope this email finds you a broken husk of a man you little-

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Zia: cats be like "damn we cuddling what if I bit you"

Rain: let me guess: your cat bit you again?

Zia: yup.

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Jazmine: you ever want to gently float up to someone and whisper "this isn't a debate; I am actually educated on the subject and you're wrong"?

Zia: my life.

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Jazmine: can we PLEASE focus on the task at hand people?

Zia: ...

Zia: *whispers* ranibow sprimkle

Venus: *snorts*

Jazmine: *face palms* guys no-

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Rain: I don't have a train of thought.

Rain: I have seven trains on four tracks that narrowly avoid each other when their paths cross and the conductors are screaming.

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Venus: rules for petting a dog.

Venus: 1. be cool

Venus: 2. pet it

Venus: 3. do not steal it

Venus: 4. stop running from the owner

Venus: 5. RAIN PUT IT DOWN

Venus: 6. RAINMIN JOHNSON THIS IS NOT WORTH JAIL TIME!!

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Zia: I can't wait until I'm rich-

Venus: I'm gonna stop you right there Tracy.

Venus: aren't you already wealthy as fuck?

Zia: *crying* no because I'm grounded.

Jazmine: oof.

~~~

Man: I'm horny.

Venus: Hi horny, I'm gay!

Rain: *laughing in background*

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Zia: plot twist: JK Rowling writes a series from Voldemort's pov.

Jazmine: "I looked in the mirror and cried. I looked like an egg"

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Jazmine: today I found out that if you kill someone in international water on an unregistered boat then dump them into the water you can't be prosecuted because no legal system can trace the crime.

Venus: Jazmine...

Venus: what did you do today?

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Person: wait. You're gay. Why?

Venus: it started out as a seven day free trial but I forgot to cancel.

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Venus: blue gatorade is water. 

Venus: that stuff that comes out of the tap? Watered down water.

Rain: as a son of Poseidon, can confirm.

~~~

Zia: can cute boys stop being gay, younger than me, fifteen years older than me, a billion miles away, taken, famous, fictional-

Jazmine: dead?

Zia: *nodding* fictional and dead.

~~~

Zia: my chemistry teacher calls babies "fresh humans"

~~~

Venus: wanna hear a joke?

Rain: sure.

Venus: three conspirators walk into a bar.

Venus: you can't tell me that's a coincidence.

Rain: *questions everything he knows* what the fuck.

~~~

Jazmine: does anybody know what day it is?

Venus: yeah it's junetember 75th.

Rain: March 33rd.

Zia: it's fucking April.

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Rain: you know that mood you get into where you're just fucking in love with drinking water?

Jazmine: Rain, I love you, but IT'S TWO IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!

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Venus: I think LGBT people need to be meaner again.

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Rain: I've decided I wanted to be cremated-

Venus: oh cool.

Rain: but not when I die. Just whenever.

Rain: surprise me.

Zia: *holds up fireballs* as you wish.

~~~

Rain: *trying to figure out how to do school without any structure or obligation to attend class* y'all mind if I scream?

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Venus: if my gender and sexuality aren't confusing people then what's the point.

Zia: ...to attract people?

Venus: making cishet people experience explicable unease is more important to me than sexual fulfillment.

~~~

Venus: my brain saw the slippery slope of unhealthy coping mechanisms and grabbed a fucking sled.

Rain: same.

~~~

Jazmine: *sitting at the dining room table, reading through some papers*

Zia: *walks in the front door* Sorry I was late. *sits across from Jazmine* I was, doing things...

*the sounds of someone running up the front stairs is heard*

Venus: *slams open door, panting. Points at Zia* SHE PUSHED ME DOWN THE FUCKING STAIRS!!

Zia: push is such a strong word-

Jazmine: *knows exactly where this is going* guys seriously...

Zia: I prefer to call it: "giving you a little nudge"

Jazmine: *sighs*

Venus: OH I'LL GIVE YOU A LITTLE NUDGE WHEN I SHOVE MY FOOT UP YOUR ASS-

Zia: HEY!

Zia: WATCH YOUR FUCKING LANGUAGE IN FRONT OF THE PRESIDENT!

Jazmine: *smashes her face into the table*