Tamquam Alter Idem

Things To Keep in Mind When Loving Adam Parrish (NSFW)

Loving Adam Parrish was not a perfect science, and Riah made a lot of mistakes. But all things grow, and he learned from them. And he began to take all the things he had learned about Adam to create a list of rules and rationales within his own head. It was a very hard thing to love a boy who did not know how to allow himself to be loved, but Riah and Adam would learn together. In the meantime, there were several things to keep in mind when loving the fickle Adam Parrish.

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When He's Mad At You, It Isn't Personal.

Sometimes Adam snapped a bit too hard, or told Riah to 'back off, please' in a way that was not at all polite, despite the words implying it should be, and just felt wrong. It wasn't ever Riah, though— it was the rest of the world. It was those crude looks directed at him from the upper society whenever Riah took him out somewhere. It was his faltering accent that made people assume he was stupid. It was the dirt under his fingernails that never washed out. It was working ten or twelve hour days with barely anything to show for it.

Sometimes, though, it was Riah making the wrong joke at the wrong time and resulting in Adam turning away from him that night. Adam would insist that it was nothing; he was just tired. And maybe he was.

But Riah knew the solution, now. Don't fight back, apologise, kiss his hands, make another joke— one that would stick, that would make him smile in spite of himself. But mostly, Riah knew to let him be angry. Let him rant and rave and get the building rage out of his system before it became something worse. And if, afterward, Adam needed to cry, Riah offered his shoulder and kept Adam there.

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He Sleeps On The Outside Edge Of The Bed.

Adam felt safer when he had an easy, immediate exit out of the bed. But it wasn't ever an exit from Riah, even if that was how it felt sometimes. He didn't fear Riah, anymore. It was years and years of feeling trapped and caged and helpless. It was demons that Adam did not have a way to explain and Riah only had dark, angry guesses at. Riah knew to let him have that side without complaint or coercion. Adam still held onto Riah in his sleep, anyway. So it didn't really matter who slept on what side.

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He Blushes When You Kiss His Hips, Or Really Anywhere South Of His Face.

Adam Parrish was not nearly as shy as he'd used to be when Riah had first started trying to find the things that pleased him. But that absolutely didn't stop his face and ears and chest from blooming bright red and his breath from hitching in that perfect way.

Riah was on his knees, between Adam's legs, cradling Adam's rib cage and sucking bruises onto the muscles stretching over the delicate bones of Adam's hips. Adam's thighs were shaking and he was trying not to lose himself just yet. Adam wasn't looking at Riah, and that was because he was still embarrassed by himself— by wanting things for himself. But that didn't stop him from sliding slender fingers along the back of Riah's neck and whispering the word 'Zachariah' in such a way that Riah thought he might finish first. He wanted this and he wanted Riah and he wanted more, even if he didn't yet have the words to say it.

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He Cries In His Sleep. Don't Wake Him Up, Just Sing Him A Song Instead.

It thankfully didn't happen often but, when it did, it was beyond devastating for Riah to listen to. Strangled noises ripped from the back of Adam's throat like he was desperately trying to hold something violent in, and the tears that breached from behind his screwed-tight eyelids glistened cruelly in the dark as if mocking Riah's inability to fight off Adam's pain. Adam would clench the sheets or pillows or his shirt or even just air in his fists when it happened and Riah would know he was dreaming something awful that Riah could not even begin to imagine the horror of. Riah always wanted nothing more than pull him out of his nightmare and make him wake up whenever it happened. But that didn't work like it was supposed to, because then Adam's memories were too fresh and he was too ashamed and he couldn't look at Riah or being himself to speak.