Daddy's Home (KNJ au)

Ch. 17

I follow Namjoon home in my car and my mind is racing. What. In. The. Actual. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Do!? I had one job. Just one. Go to his office, have lunch with him, make some small talk I guess, then come home and wait for the kids to get out of school. But what did I do? Go to his office, let my feelings get the better of me so I had an attitude, left my damn bag so I had to go back to retrieve it, and threw myself at him. Real nice. What do I have to do to distance myself from this man emotionally? Should I try dating other people like his brother suggested? Or would that just be too weird and make things awkward?

I don't realize how hard I'm gripping the steering wheel until Namjoon and I are pulling into the driveway of our home. I take a deep breath as I park, trying to contain my thoughts. We both get out of our respective cars and make our way into the house. We go into the living room, sitting side by side on the couch. I have a million things wanting to come out of my mouth at once, but where do I start? I'm so confused with everything that's been going on that I don't even know where I want the conversation to begin. "So,..."

"So,..." He repeats after me. "I think it is best for the both of us if the elephant in the room is addressed."

"Okay." I nod, letting him take the reigns.

Namjoon nods and begins to speak, looking down at his fingers. "Why did you come onto me like that in my office?"

I'm taken back by the question. I had no idea he'd bring that up first. "I-I don't know."

"You really don't know?"

"I really don't know." I answer truthfully. I have no idea why I did it. In all actuality, I don't even remember what my mind was thinking when I did it. Something just came over me and next thing I know, he's sticking his dick inside me. "I don't know what I was thinking. I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize. I guess that's what I felt when I came onto you."

"You didn't just do it randomly, though. You may not have wanted that at the office."

"Harlow," He chuckles. "If I didn't want that, I wouldn't have fucked you."

Hearing those words roll off of his tongue with ease makes me swallow hard. I'm getting in too deep. Way too deep. "Why did you allow me to come onto you?"

"Because I knew you needed to release some frustration." He answers quickly. "I didn't have much time to think, so I just reacted."

"Namjoon, are we really just using each other?" I question. There's more to this that we aren't hitting on.

"That's kind of a harsh way to put it, but I don't believe that there is any other way to word it."

"I don't want this to be us, though."

"And it won't be. You deserve so much better. Just say the word and I will work on controlling myself better."

"We both have to work on that." I say, finally able to look at him. "Let's do better."

"Of course." He smiles, his dimples showing slightly. "As of this moment, we keep things on a platonic, friendly basis. Nothing more than maybe a hug if we really need it."

I don't want this. I really don't want this. I want him. I don't want to lie and say I'm okay with this, but I have to. In order to keep him around, I have to lie. "Sounds good."

He nods, opening his arms too embrace me in a hug. I accept it, feeling comfortably in his arms. I just want to stay here forever. Keeping true to his word, the hug is quick and friendly. I'm a bit saddened, but it's best that we keep it this way. Right?