Trapped in a Island with Jenny Nicholson

la fin

Josh POV

TJ and I walked through the woods, calling Jenny's name. I wanted to kiss her so badly, but I knew I had to focus on Jennie because even though she seems totally irrelevant now and I've expressed how much I don't like her it's what the real-life Josh would do. Wait, what was I saying? I WAS the real Josh.
"So what happened, again? I know you already explained it but I want to hear it again." TJ asked.
"It was terrifying," I recalled. "When I was sent off I was going so far so fast. So when I was approaching Jenny who was stuck on a tree I zipped right through her and sent her and her zipline seat shooting down into the treetops."
TJ shot me a gorgeously reassuring look, and I felt so happy to have her by my side. Her sparkling green eyes and perfume made me confident and happy as I screamed the name of the girl I potentially murdered.
I looked down at TJ's neck and noticed there was a birthmark there in the shape of a loaf of bread. I gasped.
"What is it, Josh?" TJ said in a curious way of asking
"Your birthmark is shaped like bread . . . And I played a baker in The Hunger Games!"
TJ gasped. "And we're on a beach near some woods like they were in the second movie! And we think you killed someone by accident, like in the first one!"
I laughed gleefully. "Do you know what this means? I think we're meant to be!"
TJ's face lit up. "Really?"
"Yes! I even have a weird birthmark, too!"
"Let me see it!"
I stripped my wet t-shirt off of my glistening abdominals and pectorals and turned around for her to see it.

TJ POV

There was what appeared to be a digital clock embedded in his neck, counting down. "You were born with this?"
Josh turned around, muscles gleaming and jawline popping with the ocean whooshing around behind him. He nodded. "The doctor said it's a rare condition. It's a clock that counts down to when I'm going to die."
My mouth dropped.
"What time did it say again?" Josh was saying, "I haven't seen it in a while. It's in a place that's pretty hard to look at and it's always backwards in mirrors so I can't read it."
"Josh . . . it says you have fifteen seconds."
"Are you yanking my chain?!" His eyes filled with confusion, fear, and suddenly, longing. "I'd better make my last moments count."
Josh grabbed my face and pulled my lips into his. He bit my lip until blood came out, then licked it off. A gasp rattled out of my mouth like a chainsaw. I prodded his teeth with my tongue until he separated them for me, and I locked my tongue around his. I swung it around like a jump-rope, determined to make his last kiss the best, as if it were the only kiss in a slow-burn fanfic. Our lips parted and clenched each other like bear traps being triggered. We broke apart and Josh let out a "Gah!" Sound.
I went on my knees and unzipped his fly. I unbuttoned the peehole of his boxers and his massive soldier stood at attention for me. I put my mouth on it and started bobbing my head ferociously, slucking and sloshing it around like a Thanksgiving sausage.
"Yeah, give me that brain before I perish, " Josh groaned as a trident shot into his head. I screamed and stood up to quickly look around. My head whipped towards the sound of a twig snapping followed by a loud sigh.
"Now I'm no longer trapped in a island with Josh Hutcherson." A little voice said in a monotone way.
I turned and saw a petit woman coming out of the bushes with war paint on her face.
"WHAT THE FUCK, JENNY?" I screamed at her. That's when I realized, it was Jenny! I pulled the trident out of Josh's head and aimed it at her.
Jenny held her hands up and calmly walked toward me. "Let's not jump to conclusions," she said. "Josh is the real bad guy of this story."
I lowered the trident a bit and said with skepticism, "But he's hot? And he seems like he would be nice and boyishly charming in person."
"Well, in a cruel twist of events, he has subverted expectations. He tried to murder me."
I gasped. "He said you got stuck and his zipline pushed you out of yours!"
Jenny rolled her eyes. "That's stupid. What actually happened was this: I did make it to the other side, but I was too short to stick the landing, and I began to slide backwards. I guess Josh saw me coming at him from a distance and decided to use the opportunity to murder me and stage it like an accident happened."
"That sly dog!"
"I know. But he wasn't sly enough to not leave any evidence!"
"Egads! What kind of evidence?!" I exclaimed.
"The incriminating kind." Jenny said like Sylvester Stallone and turned around for me to gaze upon the knife portruding from her back. It said Property of Josh Hutcherson all over the blade, and had a picture of him posing with the knife on the hilt.
"Is that his hair on the blade?" I said about the large clumps of black hair on the blade.
"Yes. When he unsheathed the blade and stabbed it in me in one fell swoop, it sliced open his pants and took clumps of his pubes with it. I've managed to keep them all on it so far."
"And the knife in your back. Doesn't that hurt?"
"The pain is indescribable. Every nerve and tendon around the knife is sending piercing signals to my brain in wave after agonizing wave. It's spreading through my body like a disease and is gripping my senses with an almighty squeeze, blacking them out so all I know is the burning sensation that each breath of oxygen I gasp for creates. So I'm alright. Do you think you can call whoever gave you this vacation and ask them for medical help?"
"Sure, friend." I dug around in my cheetah-print purse I've had this whole time. "And listen, I hope you're not mad that I ended up getting with Josh, who tried to kill you, instead of you. I think in time I'll forgive you for killing him before we got the chance to do the Devil's Tango."

Jenny POV

"Do the Devil's Tango," TJ repeated as she took out her phone.
"No, sure, I forgive you," I said calmly. The selfishness in her last words spoken to me out loud was the nail in the camel's back.
So basically, like, I figured out a while ago that I'm stuck in an actual fanfiction and can break the Fourth Wall. To whoever is reading this, and that's probably only a few people, please tell me why you choose to read this garbage?
That's a rhetorical question; I can't actually hear you through these pages. I wish I knew if I was the real Jenny or if she's actually out there and I'm just a written character.
My existential crisis happened when I met TJ, who was basically a hotter, cooler, more overpowered version of Taurus John. I realized what was going on and how I was going to have to guarantee my survival in this story. I had been kept alive even with a spear through my brains because I was the love interest of the active protagonist of this travesty. If I wanted to exist the most, I would have to become the closest to whoever it was.

Ever since Josh came to a island, he took TJ's radiant gaze away from me and she'd forgotten about the journey we'd taken. Why wasn't she reminiscing about us kicking Taurus to her demise anymore?
I had been getting more and more frustrated with the way the story was going, but I had stuck to trying to be the love interest in fear that I couldn't overcome someone so overpowered, gorgeous and good-smelling. But hearing her praise Josh after he'd tried to kill me was enough to push me over the edge.

I explained all of this to TJ out loud as I quickly took the knife out of my back and rammed it into her skull, like it was a bulletin board and I a-TACK-ed it. I wasn't going to waste any time monologuing and ruining my one chance of killing the protagonist, in doing so becoming one myself. However, I don't think she understood what happened because she screeched over the top of the monologue, and the way I jammed all the words into the span of .6 seconds made it sound like "INOFHPSHGIWIGALFNDPSBN."
As TJ fell into a pool of her and Josh's blood, I grabbed her cellphone and stepped deftly aside before any stains got on me. I gently wiped the knife of my fingerprints with the hot pink wetsuit y'all probably forgot I was still wearing, then placed it in Dead Josh's hand.
I pressed TJ's Samsung Galaxy S20+ against her fingerprint several times to unlock it, then dialed. The phone picked up after a few rings.
"Who's calling?" A gruff voice asked.
"It's Nicholson. We have a Code P on a island. Come get me."
"Will do, boss."
About an hour after I called, I heard Gay Club Music in the distance and saw a black, glittery figure out in the ocean. The Friendship is Witchcraft XXX Party Boat sailed gracefully ashore, and my fixer Ray came off the boat and gazed at the gore before him.
He spoke into a walkie-talkie in a low voice. "Looks like a bad stab wound on Jenny. Bring the health kit and other stuff, stat." He crouched down. "Do you want me to get rid of these bodies?"
"No," I panted. "I framed it to look like a murder-suicide. Just throw away this phone, and these boots that I used to kick someone else to death in."
"Copy that." Ray let out a single glistening tear and it slid down his hard face. "We missed you. We're so glad to have found you. There's another disappointing Marvel movie out and the people need a sardonic review of it."
"I will definitely do that at some point," I said, "but first, I'm going to take a vacation. The girl who died has a mansion here for another month. I checked it on her Google Calendar. I want you and all my friends on that boat to stay here and celebrate things coming to an end."
Ray nodded with a small smile on his face. "I love ya like a daughter, Jenny." He said. As some people came out with the medical stuff for me, Ray headed back to the ship. His glittery, fake rainbow tail swayed to and fro, and it gave me hope for the future (but not for the Marvel Movie.)

THE END

Wow, it's actually over! I can't believe I started this over 2 years ago, because a YouTube comment on Jenny's review of the real fanfic suggested someone should make this! It's definitely gotten more popular than I could have anticipated. I thought that this piece of shit deserved a proper ending, so this chapter turned out to be by far the longest and most thought-out one. Thanks for being a part of this twisted little community and appreciating my surrealism, weirdness and disdain for bad fanfiction tropes. I've been reading all your comments and getting a kick out of the names of the Reading Lists people put me in, like "Why Does This Exist" etc etc.

Stick around for more stories like this, because next time is going to be straight up erotica!!! (LGBTQ included)