Stay Till Midnight || Jolex

Regrets and mistakes

I jolt awake as someone jumps on me. "Come on mommy! Wake up!"

 I open my eyes to see my four year old daughter sitting on top of me with a wide smile on her face.

 "Brooklyn get off." I grumble and sit up. "Honey what did you do to your hair?" I laugh quietly. Her light brown hair is a very curly mess. 

"I don't know, I woke up like this." she replies is an innocent voice while curling a strand of hair around her tiny finger. 

"Come on, let's go get dressed."

 I gently pick her up and take her to her room. I pull out a pair of pink trousers and a light blue shirt that compliments her big blue eyes perfectly. I help her get dressed then I put on a black track suit. 

"You can go down stairs, love," I ruffle my daughters hair. "Zola! Ellis! Bailey and mini Link let's go!" I holler down the hallway. 

Within seconds the doors to the three bedrooms fly open and four kids run past me to join Brooklyn at the breakfast table. I walk over to the only door that is still closed. I quietly open it and smile. "Good morning baby girl! How are you?" I say in a baby voice. I reach over and kiss my youngest daughter's blonde hair. "Let's go downstairs and see what the little monsters are doing." 

Being the only adult with six kids is exhausting. It happens almost every week that I'm the only surgeon home while Amelia, Maggie and Meredith stay at the hospital overnight. I'm not complaining, the kids are pretty well behaved. 

"Who wants toast?" I ask the kids who are sitting patiently at the table. 

"Me!" 

"I want toast with Nutella!"

 "Me too!"

 "Me please, Auntie Jo!" 

This is the daily routine, with or without the other women here to help. Meredith arrives just on time to take her kids to school. 

"Come on Brooks! Mommy needs to get to work."

 I watch as Brooklyn gives Ellis a hug then skips over to the car. 

"Get in little miss." 

I hold the door open for her with my right hand while my left is being occupied by Robin. The drive to work is filled by singing and baby babbling. I drop my girls and Link's son off at daycare and head to check the surgery board. 

"Hey Josie!" Amelia Shepherd bounces up to me but I'm to busy staring at one name on the board to reply to her.

 "Why is Karev A on the board?" I ask suspiciously. I can hear my heartbeat speed up. He can't be here right? Nobody told me. It has to be some silly mistake or prank. 

"No one told you? He's working on a case with Robbins." Amelia confirms my worst fear. I feel nauseous. 

The last time I saw him we were both drunk at a hotel bar near a medical conference we both attended. One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. And nine months later Robin was born. I have two kids, both of them fathered by Alex Karev and both of them born after he left me for Izzie Stevens. It's funny actually, the day I got the letter and divorce papers was the day I found out I was pregnant with his kid. I made the decision that he would never know about our daughter. I'm not so sure it was the right decision though. But by the time I started to doubt it, it was too late and Brooklyn was already born and I couldn't get myself to pick up the phone and say Hey Alex, four months ago I gave birth to our daughter. Surprise! So here we are. Me, a mother of two and Alex, a father of four but he doesn't know about the existence of two of them. 

I try to act as normal as possible and avoid the NICU. Thank gosh I didn't run in to Alex in the cafeteria at lunch. My surgeries went well and now I'm on my way home. I get in the car and play the song Stone Cold by Demi Lovato. It helped me get through my divorce. I feel like I can  relate on a personal level to this song.

Stone cold, stone cold
You see me standing, but I'm dying on the floor
Stone cold, stone cold
Maybe if I don't cry, I won't feel anymoreStone cold, baby
God knows I tried to feel
Happy for you
Know that I am, even if I
Can't understand, I'll take the pain
Give me the truth, me and my heart
We'll make it through
If happy is her, I'm happy for you

If happy is her. I feel a tear slide down my cheek. I'm happy for you. I really am happy for him. He deserves a great love and a family. I just wish it could have been me instead of her. It's funny how this song still makes me emotional, even after all these years.

Stone cold, stone cold
You're dancing with her, while I'm staring at my phone
Stone cold, stone cold
I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold

I was your amber, but now she's your shade of gold. That line gets me every time. Do I love Alex? Yes, I do, and I always will.

Jo and Alex encounter, next chapter!! This is my second book and I'm still getting used to writing my ideas down so I'm sorry if it's not very well written. Please leave your opinion and/or tips in the comments.