I AM MANY

Chapter 14: The Godman

Winters here are mild, vibrant and festive. Growing up in the hills, I have known severe cold and frequently experienced snowfall. During my stay in Kolkata, winters have been special. Christmas celebration has been grand. Last winter I took Sreya to St. Paul's Cathedral on Christmas eve. On new year's she took me to Victoria Memorial. I was taken aback by the grandeur of the monument. The city's guardian angel sits on top of the palace and spreads love with her magic wand.

The yellow taxis running through Howrah bridge, narrow lanes laced with Tagore, the conglomeration of old and new makes me fall in love with the city every day. Kolkata makes me search deep within to discover my true purpose, my role in the grand scheme of things. The city feeds on nostalgia while designing the future. Its' people love nothing more than napping after a hearty lunch and yet earn worldwide acclaim. The city of contrasts as I call it, Kolkata witnesses towering marvels competing with dilapidated colonial houses and amidst poverty, happiness always peaks its way through. Politics, art, culture raises storm after storm over earthen pots of tea, others seek solace in the shadows of luscious nights.

I feel cold, I shiver at night these days. I don't sleep properly. I wake up sweating profusely and hide my face in my lap, hugging my knees. I am losing weight again, but so is Sreya. Her skin is growing pale day by day, her hair doesn't look as healthy. She has developed a dry cough from somewhere. Even then, she has constantly been on my heels, trying to figure out why my health is deteriorating. I have gotten blood tests done and according to medical science, I am absolutely fit. My body is in pristine condition! Only my mind knows better.

If I set these issues aside, my life has improved in the past few days. My narcissistic alter ego hasn't dropped by for a while. My visits to Father Harshall have been frequent. Sreya often hangs out with me after office, though her feats of coughing appear to worsen each day. Amidst this temporary rehabilitation, I have occasionally jumped up in bed screaming the caterwaul of my demented soul, still in dire need of ablution.

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"Come over here Francis" Partho da called me over to his cabin with a cold voice as I was heading out of office. I knew this conversation was a long time coming.

'Yes Partho da.' I took timid steps towards his desk.

"Sit down." He spoke calmly with his eyes fixed on the computer screen, refusing to blink, hesitant to meet mine. I clumsily pulled out a chair and sat down, straightening the creases on my shirt.

"You have been working here for almost four years now" he carried on.

I nodded, eyes fixed on the floor. Nothing good will come up, I can feel it.

"In 2016 you won employee of the month for three straight months. 2017, you won employee of the year. You were always ahead of your target. You got a bonus of five lacs from the bank. Do you remember any of that?"

I hung my head down in shame even further. He continued.

"You fell in love with Sreya."

I was taken aback a little, like getting caught with your school crush by your parents. My thin face might've turned pink.

"I'm no fool. I notice everything that goes around in this office and I was happy for the two of you. I put your name up for promotion. Here, take a look. I personally mailed the head office recommending your name, on the basis of your performance." He turned the computer screen towards me.

I read the words "He is an asset to the organization and continues to work hard for personal growth and of the bank overall." My glasses turned hazy.