FUTURITY

IN GOD WE TRUST

Jason let out a weak sob. He felt like a hammer had tried to beat itself out of his skull. His mind seemed to ache with every thought.

What was wrong with him?

The mental assault or whatever it had been was gone. But Jason still felt his surroundings in that disembodied way. Despite lying on the ground, he felt the trees fifty feet on every side. He could touch their bark with invisible mental fingers.

Jason shuddered at the sensation. It felt too scary, too alien. He was aware that Leon had released him and sat beside him.

He saw the vague running figures of Jude and Rachel through the dusty air. Samuel staggered to his feet, coughed, and wiped his eyes.

"Okay, kid?" Leon asked.

Jason nodded.

"What was that?" Jude yelled as he slid to a stop at Jason's side. Not sure what to say, Jason, shook his head and slowly sat up. He swallowed, his throat feeling raw from screaming.

Samuel stepped forward. "Well, that was exciting!" Jason felt a sudden rush of embarrassment, and instinctively stood up. His head swam for a moment. He stumbled, but he didn't stop.

He forced his legs forward and hurried toward the house.

In another ten minutes, he walked through the front door and then ran to his room. He fell on his bed. The sadness of his parents' deaths came again, and he stared at the ceiling and held back tears.

He felt like a wuss. He should've been over the grief by now. He had other things to worry about, but it always kept coming back to mind. It just wouldn't stop.

Jason groaned and rubbed the back of his neck. Get over it already! He sighed and rolled over. He'd accepted his parents' absence, but this continual barrage of mental attacks and confusion made it hard to hold on to anything.

He needed to trust, to let go. But at the moment, even though he knew God had a reason for everything, that God loved him, he struggled to trust Him. A part of him seemed to implode farther and farther. Why go on?

KNOCK! KNOCK!

The door opened, and Leon peeked in. His blue eyes locked on Jason's for a moment, and then he nodded and left, closing the door. Jason wanted to jump up and ask Leon to wait so they could talk, but he mostly wanted to lie in this darkness, to breathe in the warm sadness.

Hours passed like years. Jason watched the sun's light travel across the wall. He listened to the voices of the others somewhere in the house. Jason tossed and turned. He folded his arms around his body. All he felt was tired and empty.

                                                                                        ***

Jason opened his eyes and realized he must have fallen asleep. The room was dark. He slipped off the bed and walked to the door. Jason heard voices in the kitchen. He turned the opposite direction and snuck outside.

Jason sat on the edge of the porch. He leaned back against one of the white posts that held up the eaves. Jason sniffed the air and smelled the scent of pine. Moths flew crazily around the hot bulbs, making weird shadows on the porch.

The intense pain and loneliness had faded to a dull throb. But it stayed, like a haunting ghost. And it taunted him from some other room in the mansion called his soul.

The door creaked open, and Leon stepped out. His bare feet padded on the wood as he walked to the bench and sat down.

He didn't speak.