After the Sunset

Midday¹

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even at its highest point, the sun's rays may fall weak

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Jin Hyung had managed to get each of us together to eat before we parted ways once more, each finding things to do on our day of rest.

Yoongi had barely woken up before curling onto the couch. I woke him up easily, hoping I'd be awake for long enough to have a decent conversation. I wasn't trying to be rude, but he needed to actually listen when I spoke to him about the mistakes he was making.

Yoongi alone needed the most reminders to work on his choreo, so I was assured to try to find time to give him reminders and one-on-one time. It was harder at first, but he grew a bit more comfortable as we got to know each other over the years. I aswell probably had become less intense. 

It gave us quite a bit more time to bond, the extra practices. Of course, we did smaller practices with Namjoon and Jin, who also needed extra help at times. Mainly, though I took out more time, especially now with our upcoming tour, to work with Yoongi. However, he hasn't been sleeping as much and stumbling far more during our group practices. It was becoming concerning, his lack of focus.

I wondered if there was anything I could do to cheer him up.

The thought lingered in my mind as I grabbed some new clothes and confined myself to the bathroom. I began running a warm shower before looking to the mirror. I stared at my reflection, gently running a hand through my hair. I let the hand fall to rest at my face, gently poking into the dimples. I wished at times I had fuller cheeks, similar to Yoongi or Jimin. They'd help make my face look rounder, less horse-like.

It was laughable.

Yes, it had started as a joke, although as it went on, I began seeing it more and more. Each day I looked in the mirror, a new flaw would arise. I dreaded making eye contact with the figure behind the glass, knowing he did nothing but taunt me. 

Each day the faults rose more and more, prominent against my prison of skin. I didn't wish to call my own. I wanted to change it all, to cut away the skin and start anew.  I wanted to form someone who I could be proud of. I wanted to feel beauty. I wanted to feel that joy. I wanted to feel.

How disappointing it was each day, to stare in the mirror expecting to see an idol, only to be met with the reflection of a boy who shared more similarities with an ugly horse than anything. Many of my attributes were funny themselves, how they clashed so badly. A face so terrible to look at that rather than disgust, I could find humor in how much I lacked.

Maybe fans would prefer me if I looked like an idol, like my members.

It was a joke, how often did Jungkook try telling me I'm handsome. My nose, not as straight as Jin's, was ugly. It protruded out further than I'd like. Similar to Pinocchio. Yes, I was a wild man, even though it was for a good cause. I chuckled softly, the sound falling dead from my lips, lacking any source of humor.

Maybe fans would prefer me better if I had pretty plump lips.

My lips themselves contrasted terribly to Jin and Jimin's plump sets, being so thin. Along so, that damned smile that I allowed so often became so utterly annoying. It was ugly, my lips curling so wide that it made me look far more horse-like. Why did I focus so much on laughter with such an ugly smile?

I'd look more handsome if I didn't smile. Fans probably would prefer it if I kept a calm handsome look, rather than the form that atrocious expression of extreme and nearly plastic joy. I could level with Yoongi's stoic persona maybe, and manage to keep a beautiful resting stance.

Yes ... He was a beautiful human. Why these thoughts roamed my mind, I was unsure. Though I held Yoongi on a pedestal of sorts. Maybe, just maybe if I assumed a calmer personality, kept my face resting at a handsome expression;

Would the fans like me more, perhaps?

Some days it seems, a sky of cloud and sun is more comforting than the sun alone.
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First a / n: Ahh, nice to me all. This actually was cut in half, so the next chapter will take place directly after this rather than skipping some time. I hope you enjoy it and can spot the metaphors? <3  Best Regards ~