Selected

Third

The dart ride wasn't very long, maybe two or three hours, but I wasn't sure. I mostly just looked out the window and watched the scenery blur by. It was mostly trees and valleys, every once in a while we'd pass by a town that was in ruins that used to be part of the old world, before The War, before Selection. I didn't know ruins like that still existed. I guess no matter how hard you try to start a new civilization, some parts of the past will always remain.

I replayed the last few moments I was in Sector 16. I replayed Teyland and her reassuring words and I'd start to feel better about my future. Then I would replay my last conversation with Koontz and I wanted to break down and start sobbing. The only thing that didn't make me start crying was the fact that there were other people on the dart. I couldn't let myself shed a tear in front of people.

The husky voice of my escort guard would through to me every few minutes. He would ask me if I needed anything; a beverage, something to eat, to use the bathroom. I denied them, even though I need them all. I just sat there on the verge of bawling my eyes out. His voice cut through my thoughts once more, "Did you love him?"

I looked at him, "What?"

"The boy you were talking to. He said that he loved you, did you love him?"

"I don't want to talk about it." I looked back out the window.

"Who was he?" My guard questioned. He had told me his name, but I wasn't paying attention when he had said it.

"Nobody."

"I said that I loved a girl once."

I scoffed, "Oh yeah? And how did that turn out for you?"

He looked down at the floor, "She left."

"Wow, what a surprise ending to that story."

"She pretty much said exactly what you did. That she couldn't."

"Its the truth. I couldn't stay with him. That's not the way the world works. No matter how much we want it to."

He met me in the eyes, "It would have been better to hear that she loved me and that she wanted to stay, not that she couldn't stay. I already knew she couldn't. I wanted to hear that she wanted to. I wanted to know that she wasn't staying because she didn't love me, but because they were making her go. I just wanted to hear her say it one last time. Something I could hold on to for the rest of my life."

I tried to swallow, but my throat was tight. I tucked my hair behind one ear. I started to feel yet another tear running down my cheek. I usually rarely cry, but it seemed like that was the only thing I had done all day. But I couldn't help it, I didn't have control over myself at the moment. I was scared and hurt and alone and filled with regret. I wanted to just lay in fetal position and cry for eternity. I wiped my face, "I need to use the restroom now."

I stood up and let him lead me to the restroom. It wasn't much of a restroom, more like a small box with a toilet and a sink. It was hard to imagine someone as big as my guard using it. "You don't need to stand outside, I can go to the bathroom by myself."

"I'm not here to help with that."

"I'm not going to run away either."

"Just in case."

I sighed and closed the door. What I really wanted was to be able to just cry. To just let out a long and hard cry that would get rid of all of my tears, and I certainly didn't want my escort, or anyone else for that matter, to hear me. I put the lid on the toilet down and sat on it. After only a few seconds I let the tears start to free fall. I tried to stay quiet about it, but every now and again I'd let out a sob.