Summer to Remember | ✓

5 - "The boy I'd missed"

"I can't— it doesn't feel real."

The first thing I do is call Ryan.

Despite being completely and utterly pissed at him, I'm not thinking rationally about anything but the fact my dad isn't...my dad.

"I'm sorry, Ceeks."

He'd told me to come over straight away. I hadn't hesitated.

"Thanks," I sniffle, wiping my eyes. "I can't— who— who is my dad then?"

"I wish I could answer that for you," he whispers.

"I can't believe this is happening," I whimper. "How can they not have told me?"

Ryan brushes my hair back from my face, his thumb wiping away my tears. "It's a shitty situation that no one should have to deal with. Especially you."

Despite Ry usually being an egomaniac and a commitment-phobe, he's always been there for his friends. He just doesn't know how to be there for his girlfriends. Or, specifically me as his girlfriend.

"How do I even deal with this? It isn't like my dad is ever sober enough to give me answers. Besides, for all I know this is part of the reason why he drinks."

"Don't say that," he squeezes my arm reassuringly. "It doesn't matter what that fucking test says. He's still your dad."

My shoulders begin to shake and Ryan pulls me to his chest. He rests his chin on top of my head, brushing his hand through my hair.

"Shit, Cora. It's gonna be okay. I promise."

Ryan is good at another thing. Empty promises. He'd been especially good at them when we were together.

I wish I could believe him, but I know it isn't just that simple. This changes everything.

"Do you think mum knows that dad is aware she had cheated on him? Do you think she knew about the test?"

"I don't know," he whispers, brushing my hair with his fingers.

"I have so many questions. So many."

"Understandably, Ceeks."

"I wish Rhys would have agreed to help me," I breathe, squeezing my eyes shut.

Ryan stills against me; his hands stop playing with my hair. "I wanna kill that piece of shit," he growls. "I told you he was a fucking ass. Don't go near him again, alright? People like him don't do anything for people like us."

"Don't be crazy, Ry," I whisper. "You were right. He's a dick. Case closed."

Another one of the reasons we broke up is because I was sick of him being impulsive. He never thinks about anything before he acts on it. He has a one-track mind when it comes to things like this.

"No. Not case closed. Next time I see that son of—"

"Don't," I blurt harshly. "He's not worth it. Please don't fight him."

"He always sits back like a fucking loser. I don't think I've ever seen him fight," Ryan acknowledges, rubbing my arm.

"Let's not talk about him anymore," I whisper.

The late afternoon sun pours in through Ryan's blinds, warming my skin. I've always loved how the light brightens his room.

"Have you called the others about this?"

"Not yet," I murmur, sitting up against the headboard.

"You rang me first? Not even Tea?" Ryan speaks, slightly in awe.

I guess it had been a weird first choice. I'd still been angry at Ryan this morning about not being on my side. But when I found out about dad, he was the first person I thought of.

"I guess I was just used to it," I shrug, suddenly embarrassed.

Even before we were together, Ryan and I shared everything. Even the stupidest things that made no sense. We didn't go a day without one of us explaining what we had been thinking about; what we had dreamt about last night.

When we broke up, that stopped. We continued to talk, of course. But we haven't had a deep conversation in over ten months.

"I'm glad you called, though. I feel like...like stuff changed between us. I didn't want that to happen."

"I know," I admit, lacing my hands together.

I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare. One I'll never wake up from.

My entire life feels like a lie. My dad isn't my dad. My mum is missing. And yet, I still can't put all the pieces together.

Is there a connection between the DNA test and my mother's disappearance? Is there something I'm missing?

"You wanna stay the night?" he asks, nonchalantly. "Mum would love to see you when she gets home from work."

"Sure," I nod. "That would be great."

Ryan offers me a tentative smile. "I'll pull out the mattress then."

"Ry," I roll my eyes. "It's all good. We've slept next to each other since we could crawl."

"You sure?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"I'll wear socks, I promise. You won't have to feel my cold feet."

"Good," he laughs. "That was the reason I pushed you out of the bed in fifth grade. Remember that?"

My laughter erupts unexpectedly from my throat. It's hard not to find that memory funny.

"You ass! I was so scared when you did that! I just suddenly woke up in the middle of the night on the floor! I hit my head against the side table."

He cringes. "Shit, I forgot that part. You had to get a stitch."

I lift the hair covering my forehead, showing him the scar. I raise my eyebrow. "Remember now?"

He moves to rest his hand over the scar, his thumb brushing lightly along the raised skin.

"Damn," he mutters. "How could I forget? I cried like a baby in the bathroom thinking that I could have poked your eye out. I thought I was going to have an eye-patch wearing pirate for a best friend."

"You cried?" I soften, smiling sadly at him. "And for all these years I thought you were a stone-cold, heartless meanie."

He blanches, pulling away from me and clearing his throat. Getting up off the bed, Ry pads over to his door. As he reaches for the handle, he turns back to me. "I'm not— nevermind. I'll be back in a minute."

"Ok—"

He closes the door abrasively, making me jump slightly. I frown at his behaviour, but shake it off. It's very Ryan of him to act like that. Closed-off; secretive.

Regardless, once he comes back, the night is spent eating junk food and watching all the best Netflix movies we can find.

I completely forget about all the shit that happened today; just enjoying the company of the boy I'd missed.