Toxic Thoughts

Chapter 1: Notebook

"Oi! Leave me the hell alone Shitty Hair! I'm not interested in hanging out with you or the rest of the dumbasses!"
"Ahw man, I feel personally attacked Kacchan~" Kaminari laughed, a hand placed over his chest.
"Stop fucking calling me that you dunce face!" Bakugou roared, a vein on the side of his head pulsing dangerously.

The electric blonde had been teasing him with Deku's nickname lately. Nobody really knew why he was suddenly using it or how it started but nobody questioned it either. It's not like there is any harm in it, other than Denki publicly declaring he has a death wish. Kirishima stopped the ash blonde from attacking Kami, again, and gave him his best puppy eyes.
"Please Bakugou? We're your friends, right? Come on, it'll be fun!"

'Friends, yeah right' Katsuki thought bitterly. They're just pretending. All of these stupid extra's are! They're just pretending to like him, to be his friend. All to pry him open, to make him vulnerable so they can laugh at him... Why else would anyone come close to him anyway? It's not like he's an enjoyable person and he likes to keep people at a certain distance. That way nobody gets hurt... It's better that way... Maybe it's selfish, but he didn't care. Not about them, not when they could see him at least.

"Fuck off" Bakugou spat, pushing the red head away before he had the chance to convince him with those bright red orbs of his. He swears that Kirishima's biggest weapon are those damn puppy eyes of his. They almost rival Midoriya's and that nerd always looks like a deer caught in headlights.
"You're no fun dude" Sero complained as he walked past them, out of the common room, towards the elevator.

Fun?

He wasn't trying to be fun. He was here to become a hero, not to get dragged down by these extra's. He came to UA to prove a point. To prove the world he wasn't a villain... To prove it to himself... He shot one last glare at whoever was still looking at him while he stepped into the elevator and flipped them off while pressing the button towards his floor. Once the doors closed, he let out a sigh of relief, glad to be out of there.

He felt like suffocating when surrounded by those idiots sometimes... It was all too much. They were so friendly it disgusted him! Why would anyone want to be friendly towards him?! He's always been this rude, arrogant jerk. That's the image he set for himself, the image that keeps people away, that tells them not to mess with him. Yeah, they better not mess with him or he might break down crying...

"Fuck" he breathed, closing his eyes for a moment. He really is a loser, isn't he? So pathetic, hiding behind a fake ego, acting confident while being the most shy person when it comes to real things. Things like feelings... He's never been good at those... Well, no, that's a lie. People can't be bad at feelings. Everyone has them, whether they want to or not. He's just bad at defining them, coping with the emotions he feels every single day.

Voices in his head screaming he isn't worth it, that he'll never be a good hero, that nobody would ever want him... The worst part is that he believed them... The voices were right! They always have been! He's just a useless, worthless excuse of a human being... Nobody likes him, nobody ever will... All they see is his explosive character, matching that dangerous quirk of his, and they're all calling him a villain. A label he has carried around since forever, so it seems.

At first Deku was there to convince him it wasn't true, that Kacchan was amazing and he'd be a great hero! But in the end, Bakugou ended up pushing him away too... Because why would someone like Midoriya ever want a friend like him? Certainly after he hurt him... It was an accident, he wasn't able to control his quirk perfectly yet, but still... Even though people told him it wasn't his fault, he knew they were lying. Even Deku lied, straight to his face, saying it was okay.