Toxic Thoughts

Chapter 9: Blood

It was a reflex to grab his knife when his emotions got too much. When his world was too overwhelming, when his walls were crumbling down. He always reached for that solid trusty blade, never hesitating to cut right into his flesh. It felt relieving, in a way. Therapeutic, almost, to feel pain while watching the blood drip down. Fascinating...

Yet his sight was blurry, clouded with tears as his body shook. Kirishima had seen his notebook... Had held it... Probably read it... But what did he read? How much? Which part? A small gasp escaped his lips as he made another cut. Katsuki just wanted to forget his problems, his struggles, his feelings. The stress he was under was slowly crushing him... He didn't know how long he would be able to uphold his perfect image anymore... His mask had fallen before, it would fall again, he was sure.

Another cut was made, drawing more blood this time. He deserved this. He deserved to hurt, to be in pain. To be all alone as everyone else moved on with their lives. It's for the better. He keeps telling himself that over and over, but is it really? The way Kirishima had held him before... Right after he told him that he cared... As in, actually caring for a mess like him..! It was something he never thought was possible.

Yet he was convinced by his words, so genuine, so sincere... He wasn't lying, there were no tricks... Eijirou cared about him... What an idiot... A fool for having such a loving heart. Doesn't he understand he'll only get hurt if he comes near him? Doesn't he realise that bad things always surround him? He was the reason All Might had to retire for fuck sake! Because he was too damn weak! Because he let himself get kidnapped!

And the only reason he won the damn Sportsfestival was because that stupid icyhot dared to pity him! He didn't even get his fucking license with the rest of the class! No, he had to follow a damn course to get it! That's what kind of worthless hero he was! So why... Why did Kirishima care..? After all, he's a failure. Someone who can't do anything right... Why would anyone care for such a person? He dragged the blade over his arm again, letting out a shaky breath as he watched the red liquid drip into the sink, clashing with the pure whiteness of it all.

A knock on his door pulled him out of thought. He moved his head towards the sound, quickly opening up the tap to wash the blood away, as if someone could come into his room at any given moment.
"Bakugou? I know you're in there, I can hear the water running"
Katsuki mentally cursed himself as he cleaned the cuts as quick as he could before pulling his sleeve down and stopping the waterflow. It stung like a bitch, but he'd been through worse.

"What the hell do you want dunce face?!" he shouted, making sure his voice didn't crack and rubbing his face, getting rid of the tears.
"Open up the door" he demanded, making Bakugou groan. He glanced at himself in the mirror, concluding that he looked like shit. It's not like he can do a lot about that for now anyway...

"Don't ignore me! I don't know what you said to Kirishima or what happened, but he's really upset so you better-!" Kaminari spoke up, stopping as the door opened, revealing the mess that was Katsuki Bakugou.
"I better what?" he snapped.
"Dude, you look horrible. Is everything-"
"I'm fine!" he hissed, giving the electric blonde the best glare he could muster right now.

"So are you going to finish your sentence or are you going to fuck off already?!"
"Kirishima is upset" he repeated himself, trying to ignore all the alarm signs he was seeing. He didn't want to get himself killed, thank you very much. Maybe this was exactly what Eijirou had been upset about..?
"Why would I care?" Katsuki grunted, feeling blood slowly roll down his arm towards the ground.

Damnit! His cuts were still bleeding and his arms wasn't covered in anything but a sleeve! He could bleed through his clothes, or the blood could drop onto the ground and that damn fake Pikachu would notice!
"You're the reason he's feeling this way! So you should apologize to him for whatever it is that you did!" Denki frowned, crossing his arms. His face turned a little more concerned right away though, his eyes darting towards the ground.