Elixer of Feelings

Episode 4

In the movies, they do their best to express the horror of being around the dead. They show their facial expresses as fear. Scared that they may be next. Fearful of the unknown that comes with it.

They try to portray the smell of it all. Showing retching and vomiting due to it all. As if the smell alone is enough to detour anyone from coming near, all but the bravest of people.

The numbness of seeing the dead. Often time freezing them in shock. Unable to grasp what happened and why. Not knowing the causes of someone pulling someone's life from this one to the next. The unknowing of who could do such a thing.

In real life, it wasn't like that at all. Or at least it wasn't for me. The fear was correct, but it was because I wanted to believe that Andre was not the monster that I thought the Army made him. I see now. I was wrong.

So effortlessly he was able to kill a person. There was no sorrow for this death from him, there was no remorse. Just a very small and dismal part of his day, like breakfast or going to the gym. He's sitting on the hood of the car checking his phone while waiting for the cops to show.

How could he be so calm?

I pull myself away from the office window and sit at my desk. Looking at a whole lot of nothing. Just being accompanied by the computer monitor and my thoughts. That man was someone's son. Someone would miss him come this afternoon. Maybe he was a father, brother, uncle, husband. Now, he was just, dead. His life ripped from him for what? Because he saw an opportunity to obtain something and chose the wrong person? I won't justify robbing, but there were so many other ways that could have gone. Death shouldn't have been the one that Andre chose. He defiantly shouldn't have been so calm about it. But never should there have been laughter.

In my panicked state I could hear it. So deep and full. He decided then he would kill that man. He knew then that he would enjoy it. What was at the time a very confusing part of my life is now the most frightening. That laugh will haunt me in my dreams and for the rest of my life. My best friend is a murderer.

A psychopathic monster that enjoys ending the life of others. One that disregards other's lives if they inconvenience him. A beast that could destroy the lives of others and then go into his phone as if it was a normal part of the day.

"Hey boss, who died?" Jessica's voice pops into the office and startles me.

"Shit, don't do that." I take a moment and a breath to come to.

"Sorry boss, but what's going on?" Her face wearing concern. Those red eyes trained on me, possibly checking to see if I was hurt.

"Andre and I got robbed."

"Are you okay!?" She rushes to my side pulling her multicolored braids out of her face and checking me over closer now. Her hands quick to grab mine and try to comfort me.

"I'm fine, thanks to Andre, but he killed the man robbing us."

"Good, thank the Queen you're okay." She places her hands on her chest in relief.

"What do you mean good?" I snap pulling away from her. "That was a life that he took and didn't have to."

"Yes, the life of someone who wanted to do you harm and possibly others. Someone that cause people misery for a living. What should have happened?" Her voice growing both concerned and annoyed.

"I don't know, knock the guy out and have the cops arrest him."

"So he can do a little time then come back and do it all over again? So you can pay your taxes to keep him feed, clothed, and all of his other necessities done for him?"