Tales From The Avengers Tower

#22: Blackmail

"Whatchya doin', Brucie?" Tony chirped, way too awake for this early in the morning, meaning he hadn't slept the night before.

"Looking for blackmail."

"Oooo! On who?" 

"Fury."

"Pshh. Been there done that. His middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles, and he's secretly a My Little Pony." Bruce just looked at Tony then grinned, an idea forming.

The next day all the agents were whispering, gossiping about the posters that had been all over HQ that morning. They were printouts of Director Fury's Birth Certificate, and no one could be sure if they were real or not, because of how well they had been done, but where Fury's middle name would be, it said 'Rainbow Sprinkles'. No one dared tell Fury about it, and so they kept showing up. The next day it was a picture of a My Little Pony with an eyepatch, the cutie mark a bottle with a skull and cross bones on it, filled with rainbow sprinkles. It took a week for Fury to find out, when the moron who had done it put one on his desk. That was the day that security was upped, and every agent was monitored 24/7, but the next day the posters were back, with t-shirts attached. The shirts had a picture of the pony on them, with the words 'My Boss's Name Is Rainbow Sprinkles'. 

Hill was amused, and she decided to stay at HQ overnight to praise the brave soul who was doing this. She had dozed off, and a crash woke her. When she found the source, she discovered The Avengers, minus Steve, being the golden boy he is, putting up massive banners like the ones you see at a car dealership. Tenebris was holding up one side and Spiderman, in full costume, climbing up the wall with his mas pulled up to his nose, the other side of the banner in his mouth. On the banner were the words "Happy Un-Birthday Director Rainbow Sprinkles" in large, glittery, neon-pink bubble letters. Tony and Bruce were setting the confetti cannons, disco lights, and release mechanisms for the balloons in the ceiling and the banner to make it drop down when Fury came into the main office. Clint was in the rafters, Telling Loki what angle to set the cannons at before screwing them in the ceiling, and Natasha and Bucky were keeping watch while Sofia kept the alarms off. 

"Hey Hill." Natasha said, Bucky nodded to her, "We brought some posters for you to put in the desks, it's to let everyone know to just act normal. Otherwise they will be silenced, permanently." 

"Oh, and drop this into Agent Brooks' desk. She knows what to do." Tony tossed what looked like a set of car keys to her, and she hesitated a moment before nodding and going to the desk that belonged to Vanessa Brooks, putting the remote into a drawer and going to grab some posters to put up. 

It didn't take too long with all of them doing it, and when she asked them why they were doing this, Loki said, "The Hatter Who Is Mad said this is a common celebration for you mortals, the Un-Birthday." Hill looked questioningly to Bruce, who shrugged, 

"We watched Alice in Wonderland."

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The next morning, after a shower down in the locker rooms and a change into the spare clothes she kept for when she worked so late she couldn't bother to go home, Maria sat at her desk, watching as agents filed in. They read the notes, and when one decided to ask they either were ignored or given a look that told them to shut up. Maria found one on her own desk, and the threat was much more graphic than what Natasha had told her. The reason why there were so few questions, well, the fact that Natasha signed each one with "Love, Black Widow XOXO" followed by sketches of the threat she described.

When Fury walked in, all hell broke loose. She saw Vanessa push the button, and there was a five second delay so that as soon as The Director was standing in position he was blasted with up-beat pop music, pink paint, glitter, and paper confetti. A disco ball dropped from the ceiling and the banner rolled down, balloons filled with shiny plastic confetti rainbows or just solid latex dropped from the sky, all of this happened simultaneously, and even under the layers of paint, paper, and glitter Fury's face was maroon going on fuchsia. 

"CLEAN THIS UP. RIGHT NOW MUTHAFUCKAS!" The snickering agents froze, and scrambled around trying to clean the mess. Hill watched him storm into his office and sit down at his desk, the vein bulging in his forehead growing as he read a piece of paper on his desk. Then, he stood up and promptly took his anger out on the glass door, smashing it with a golf club. "COULSON. GET YO FLAT ASS IN HERE." 

Phil spluttered, choking on his coffee, before scampering into Fury's office. He seemed stoic throughout the entire chewing out Fury gave him, which consisted of a lot of swearing and yelling at him about keeping his dam children under control. Finally, The Avengers were called in, and Hill watched, suppressing her laughter as they to were yelled at. Steve was embarrassed, Tony was snickering, Barnes, Romanoff, Tenebris, Sofia, and Loki were unfazed, while Thor was a terrible liar. Spiderman came swinging down from the rafters, where he had apparently slept in a web hammock, to watch it all unfold, and his reaction was indeterminable due to the mask.

Safe to say, two more rules were added, as well as another video to Peter's side-channel on YouTube, so now the Un-Birthday Celebration was there, right alongside the Music Video.

This is where 6. Bruce is not allowed to hack into personnel files to look up blackmail material on Director Fury.' and '7. Tony is not allowed to insist that he's already done so and that Fury's middle name is Rainbow Sprinkles.... Because it isn't.' come from.