with these words of mine ; [discontinued]

three

trigger warning for those with eating disorders.
note: kay i'm gonna be real honest i did not revise this at all so mistakes are alllllll mine. i'm like super super tired so i'll fix stuff tomorrow, i just wanted to get this out there tbh. hope you like it! mina is coming toon :).

• • •

Hours passed while you waited in the dark. There wasn't a clock in the room and you were too afraid to ask the nurses what time it was, so you waited until the sun began rising to begin estimating an hour.

Still new, you weren't sure if you were allowed in the main room or if you had to wait in bed until being told otherwise.

It wasn't long before the sound of the door opening startled you. "You're alright, dear. It's just me, Lana." You were greeted by the friendly woman. "Let me get your vitals real quick and then you can shower. Your suitcase is by the set of drawers over there. When I'm done you can go get your stuff."

You nodded, nervous as you extended your arm out to her.

When Lana was finished checking your blood pressure and temperature, You rushed towards the suitcase, worriedly rummaging through stacks of clothes looking for your picture.

After rummaging around for another minute, you bit your lip when you found the beloved item. You couldn't help but let the breath of relief slip past your lips. Lana took mental note of the action, but easily decided not to say anything. She was too busy reading Violet's vitals to bring it up, not to mention the lack of privacy the two of you would have.

You placed the picture on your nightstand and quickly rushed to the shower. Right before closing the bathroom door (that had no locks), You heard Lana telling Violet that her heart rate was too low.

Placing your feet on the tiled floor, you focused on the wall in front of you.

I am safe. I am here. I'm safe here.

I'm not.

The water was burning against your skin, steam from the temperature fogging the mirror.

It's my fault.

Water splashed against your body. The world felt slow, almost coming to a stopping point.

My fault.

Stuck in a daze, your body acted for you. You scrubbed every inch of your body five times before feeling like it was enough.

I need his hands off of me.

Dirty.

Vile.

Disgusting.

When you stepped out, your eyes traced over your frame in the mirror. You hated the way you looked. Violet was right, people who didn't know you probably assumed an eating disorder affected your life in some form or another.

You'd lost all your curves. There was a slightly bigger gap between your legs than there had been a few months ago. It was uncomfortable to say the least, now that you'd thought about it. These days you couldn't even lean on a wall without getting bruised.

Your gaze lingered on the circular scar just below your rib cage. It was a constant reminder of what happened; a souvenir left behind from the attacker.

Sighing, you wrapped a towel around your body, unable to stare at yourself any longer. You made your way back into the room, plopping down on the edge of your bed.