with these words of mine ; [discontinued]

five

𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗻𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝘀𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂.

• • •

note: i just realized how awful my writing was in the first few chapters so i'm sure i'll go back and edit them some time. anyways, sorry for the long wait!

** also!! idk how you guys will like this chapter. i'm just really trying to move the story, but i hope something stands out lol. lmk what you think, or any ideas you may have! :)

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Words seem to stick. It was difficult to express what you felt, despite having the support of countless people around you. The more you attempted to justify your feelings through the basis of words got trickier with each breath; something you found quite unnerving. How else was anyone supposed to understand what you were going through? They couldn't. Not unless they were you, or your own experience for the matter. But that was merely impossible and you knew that, such powers did not exist. So now you were stuck with foreign words as they left the in between of your lips as you spoke calmly.

Dr. Ellie waited patiently, watching you stumble and trip through each sentence describing the things you felt.

You'd grown closer to the woman, pushing her away only seemed to bring her closer. And so, after weeks of poking and prodding around the situation at hand, you willingly began to open up to her.

"The system was never kind. Kit was the only good thing that ever came out of it...." You trailed.

"Where is Kit now, Y/N?"

Her question caused a noticeable pause in your demeanor. Ellie picked up on the way your hands tightened around your knees. The answer was simple. He was dead. That was all you really had to say.

But of course there was a story, there would
always be a story or explanation for the way you felt, for the things you remembered and for the people you loved.

"He isn't here anymore." Your voice quivered, and before she could ask you to elaborate you gave her the reason. "He killed himself. I don't blame him though. I'm not angry anymore. I just miss him sometimes."

"Do you feel guilty?"

You cracked your knuckles. Yeah, you felt an immense amount of guilt over his death. Slowly, you nodded and sucked in a breath of air.

"It's my fault, everything is."

"Everything?"

Dr. Staple knew what you were referring to. She knew your limits, and she knew that a push in that direction wouldn't hurt.

"Do you feel like Ally's death was your fault?"

"I know it was."

"And why do you say that?"

"Because had I not been out that night she wouldn't have died." Ellie hummed and clicked her pen.