with these words of mine ; [discontinued]

four

and do you think you could ease my pain? had it not been for you, i can't say i'd be here.

note: yeah this is completely unedited because im really fucking tired and its 5 something in the morning and i have work tomorrow. the end was rushed and i hate it, but nonetheless it is here! i'll upload to tumblr tomorrow.

• • •

The following day you had your first, official session. You wore newly washed sweatpants and a charcoal black jacket with a tank top underneath.

But before you could go into her office, Ellie needed an up-to-date status on how your body was doing. All those times you spent in bed-you'd refuse each nurse that asked you to hold out your arm or open your mouth to take your temperature. Now it was Cordelia's turn (again) to get a proper read on your vitals; however, this time you'd be complying. She brought you to a small room with a scale, blood pressure cuff, thermometer, and chair for you to sit in.

"I'll need you to take off your jacket, socks and shoes. When you're done, step on the scale."

It's okay. It IS okay. You can do this. You are safe. She will not hurt you.

Cordelia could tell you were anxious about taking off your jacket, it was a similar anxiety to Violet's, although it was almost completely opposite. The nurse knew why Violet got anxious, she was insecure about her body size, still believing that her weight was just twenty pounds more than it needed it be. You on the other hand, it wasn't that you were insecure about your weight, but about the scars and various marks that littered your body.

Nonetheless, you set the jacket on the edge of the chair and slowly stepped on the scale. You watched the numbers roll until they came to a stopping point. Out of the corner of your eye you could see Cordelia bite her lip. She was concerned, that much was obvious.

"Something wrong?"

"You've never been diagnosed with any kind of eating disorder?" You were puzzled. "No? I don't mind food, I like it, I'm just never hungry. But no, I don't hate my body because of my weight. Why?"

"You're fifteen pounds underweight."

"Oh." Well yeah, that could be a problem.

Cordelia took your hands in hers, examining the tops of your fingers. "Nails are blue..." She then moved to touch the side of your neck, placing two fingers below your jawline to find a pulse. Cordelia didn't need a stethoscope to confirm what she already knew. "Low heart rate..." The list went on- from low blood pressure to the odd bruising that covered your body.

"When was the last time you had your period?"

You blushed, suddenly embarrassed. "Why does that matter?"

But she didn't answer you.

"I don't remember, it's been quite awhile. I think, anyway." She nodded and noted your reply on her clip board.

"You don't have the mindset of an anorexic, but you have the body of one. I'll get you set up with Bette and Dot. They're our dietitians that work with Violet." You moved to protest, but a wave of dizziness and a short, intense headache came your way. Everything was black, and because Cordelia knew what was happening, she steadied you.

"I'm good, thanks." You took a seat and put your jacket back on. "So are they nice? Or..."

"Bette and Dot?"

"Yeah. And why does they other one go by 'Dot'?"

Cordelia giggled, "It's short for Dorothy. I guess she just prefers Dot over Dorothy." She jotted down a few extra notes on your file. "One of them will meet with you at lunch and the other at dinner. I know you will probably hate this, but for the first bit of your time one of them has to sit at the same table with you."