Loving the enemy

Chapter 19

I run to Shane, he emerges from the treeline when he sees me. "Max?" He says concerned. I take his hand and continue running, dragging him behind me.

"Come quickly, we can't stay here." I hear him swear under his breath and we sprint away from my brothers castle. We run flat out for just under ten minutes until Shane skids to a stop, still holding onto my hand which causes me to be pulled to a halt. "Ah!" I yell as my arm is yanked back. Though I yelped, the pain fades quickly.

"Are you okay?" He asks, stepping towards me and holding my face. My chest is heaving from running and my heart is beating like a drum. Still, I want to keep running. Running from him, from his corrupt mind, from his army. "Did he hurt you?" Shane persists.

I shake my head and let out a wobbly "no." He lets out a relieved sigh and rests his forehead against mine. I notice how he doesn't seem tired, we sprinted for almost ten minutes and his breathing pattern isn't even slightly disturbed. I note it down as something else in him that has changed while i've been gone; physical endurance.

"God, it was so stupid of me to send you in there. I just got you back, I could have lost you again."

I place my hand on his arm comfortingly. "No, it's okay. I needed to see him. He's been brainwashed, the vampires lied to him, telling him you pushed the bookcase onto him that night. He blames you." I don't know why, but in that moment it didn't even occur to me that I could kill Shane and rule with Able. That didn't seem like an option, even though when I lost my brother I thought I would do anything to have him back with me. But this isn't my brother. This is someone else. "He want's me to kill you, Shane." His eyes drop down to the ground, becoming slightly darker. "He wants me to kill all of you. He wants me to rule with him."

"What's stopping you?" The way he says that is so cold, it hits me like a block of ice exploding against my chest. He pulls away from me. "It would be no different from killing my father."

"You haven't caused me pain like he did. When that bookcase crushed Able you saved his life, for me. You took me in, you forgave everything, you understood, you loved me. I could never hurt you."

In less than a second I feel myself shoved backwards against a tree trunk, shock jarring up my back. Shane is standing in front of me, a single hand wrapped around my throat and pinning me to a tree.

"But you did hurt me. You left me with nothing. No explanation.  No closure.
You just left." I bring my hands to my throat, instinct making me attempt to pry open his fingers. His eyes are darker than I've ever seen them, his body pulsating such pure anger that it almost paralyses me. "How could you do that to me, Max? I needed you more than ever." He asks me the exact same question I've been trying to answer for years. Who could do that to someone they loved?

My voice comes out taught and forced; "I'm sorry."

The grip on my throat is released and though he was never choking me I feel like I can breathe again. "I know. So am I." His eyes are now dull and washed out, like faded pearls. His body seems limp and weak, and he suddenly seems fragile. It's strange to think only a few moments ago he was so intimidating, now he was almost broken.

"I loved you." I say quietly, "I loved you so much."

"But you don't now, do you?" He says, not looking up at me.

"I don't know what I feel now."

"When you left I would notice the moonlight fall through the trees a certain way and I'd be reminded of how it fell on that pond where I first saw you." His gaze flutters up to meet mine and our eyes lock "Or sometimes I would get overwhelmed with the smell of pine, and think back to when I was looking into your eyes and knowing that would be the very first time I kissed you. Every moment you were gone I loved you even more." I want to step closer to him, I want to touch his face and run my thumb over his jaw and tell him that was in the past, that I was here now. But something was keeping me in my place, a layer of doubt. A layer of uncertainty. Him attacking me made me realize I had no idea who Shane was now. What he had been through, what he had done. "I fell deeply in love with the memory of you, mostly because I thought you were gone forever." He looks at his open palms. "Now after everything, you're here. And I told myself I would do anything to have this moment, and now you're finally with me and I'm attacking you?"

"It's okay." I say, my voice cracking slightly.

"No it's not. I still love you, Max. I'm bound to you, I'd chase you to the ends of the earth. I guess it just slips my mind that you can't feel what I feel. That you can walk away, just forget." My head starts to spin and in this moment it is only him and me, as if nothing else matters anymore. "I think that hurts the most. That you can leave, live another life, fall in love again, just erase me from your memory. Like a bad taste in your mouth"

"I couldn't ever erase you. I wouldn't want to. I'm just scared, Shane. I was thrown into this world and then there was you. Sometimes life decides to take its own path, and I lost control. I thought running from this life and starting fresh would help me forget. I never did. I don't think I ever truly wanted to move on. I might not be able to feel how powerful having a mate is, but I know I'm bound to you."

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know. It's okay. After all the pain you felt because of me, I deserved that."

"I hope I haven't scared you away again." He says, a small nervous smile flickering over his lips.

"No, I'm not leaving again. Especially not with things like this." I take a deep breath. "We need to do something about Able."

"'We'? You want my help?" I reach out and take his hand.

"I couldn't do it without you."