Loving the enemy

Chapter 23

"Able?" I call out tenderly, knocking on the door to his room.
"Come in."
It's the third day since I've been here, and it's been too long. I push open his door and step inside, shutting it behind me. His back is to me, and he's flicking through books on a shelf.
"I wanted to talk to you."
"I wanted to talk to you too." He turns around. His face scans me and suddenly seems darker than usual. "Is something wrong?" He asks, his eyes scanning my face.
"No." The corners of his lips arch down in doubt, and I get a slapped with the memory of how he used to look in the treehouse. I never realised how unhappy he was with me.
"You're lying."
"Wha-?" I catch myself and try to suppress some of my disbelief. "What makes you think-?"
"You have the same look on your face. The one you had everytime I asked to go outside." My eyebrows knit together and I open my mouth to defend myself. No words come out. "You haven't changed that much, Max. Even after everything."
"What did you want to talk to me about?" I say, desperately pulling words together.
"I wanted to discuss an attack strategy on the wolves. You're stronger now, and it's best we do this sooner than later."
"When do you suggest we strike?" He replies without missing a beat.
"Midnight. That's when our army will be at its prime." I blink.
"Midnight? As in three hours?"
"Yes." He smiles at me as he catches my flicker of doubt. "Is there a problem?" I straighten my spine.
"No. Of course not." He raises and eyebrow and changes the subject.
"What did you want to talk about?"
"I wanted to thank you." He lowers his guard.
"For what?"
"For helping me see who I am destined to be." I give him a kind smipe and open my arms for a hug. He steps towards me and folds his arms around me, holding me tightly and securely. I squeeze my eyes shut. "I love you, little brother."
"I love you too, Max." Without flinching I slide the silver bladed knife out of my jeans and stab it through his back into his heart. He yells out and pulls away from me with lighting speed, eyes wide. His face quickly changes from disbelief to a snarl. I didn't push it in deep enough. "You betrayed me." He steps towards me with flaming eyes, with each step closer, I step back. "I trusted you."
"Able, I-" my back hits the wall and I'm pinned. He gets closer to me.
"Youre dead, Max." He snarls and jumps towards me, hands ready to tear open my throat. I thrust my leg out with a yell, making contact with the center of his chest. The force shoves him backwards mid jump, and he hits the wall on the other side of the room. The knife handle still sticking put from his back is forced deeper into his flesh. He intakes a quick gasp of air as the blade pierces his heart. The world is still for a moment and blood trickles from his already open mouth. His knees bend forward and he falls onto his side, his body pale as blood pools around him. His eyes flutter open and closed as I fall down beside him, all anger and spite has left him. Suddenly he is my little brother again. I pull the knife out of his back and toss it away. I lift his head onto my lap and cradle the sides of his face with my palms as I start to cry. "I tried to help you. I wanted to help you." His eyes are staring into space and he half heartedly shakes his head.
"No...."
"Shane saved your life, Able. I can't let you hurt him. I can't let you hurt any of them."
"You killed me. You killed me to save them." He says, his voice has the tone of a question. Disbelief.
"I didn't want to. I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I wanted us to be okay in the end, I wanted to be the good guy." His eyes meet mine, and with quivering lips he speaks words that I needed to hear a long time ago.
"Max, in this game there are no good guys."
Then with his blood staining my hands, he stops breathing.
•••••
I run through the castle.
The vampires split and let me through, obeying Able's last set of rules. That will change when they realise what I've done. I push my way through the doors and burst outside, tears blinding me as I sprint faster than ever before. I don't run towards Shane and I don't run towards the town, but I know where I'm going.
Before long I fall to my knees at the lake. I sob loudly, gripping the side of my head.
I killed him. I killed him.
I look into the water at my reflection. His blood is on my face, on my clothes, on my shaking hands. I pull off all of my clothes and climb into the deepest part of the water. I rub my skin ferociously, cleaning away the red stains on my skin. I rub until the blood is gone, until my skin is as red as my eyes. I cry and scream until I can't anymore.
After that I float my body on the surface my eyes shut and head spinning. I listen to the sounds the nature makes around me, the crickets, the buzz of dragonflies. I feel myself melt into the water, and as the night approaches my skin becomes colder.
You can't stay here in the dark. A voice in the back of skull nags. They will kill you if you're alone. I don't move. Maybe I should let them kill me. Maybe it's my time to die. You don't mean that. You need to move. Go to him or run into town. That's your only choice. I skim my hands on top of the water. Get your clothes, stupid girl. You didn't do all this for nothing. You didn't survive so long just to give up here. I sigh and make my way back to shore. I pull on my clothes and stare up at the rising moon. You've run out of time. Make your choice.
It could all be over. I could run back to town, live a normal life. They wouldn't find me this time. I'd make sure of it.
I frown, but it can't ever be over. Not after what I've done. Not after the choices I've made. I move my hands into my pocket and pull out the wooden carving. I roll it around in my palm, running my thumb over the howling girl.
"You howl with us now."
Shane loves me. But do I love him? He's changed so much since I've been gone, but maybe now it can be okay. Maybe the vampires will go back to treaty. Maybe he can be happy again, then finally I might be able to open my heart to him. Even now.
I look up at the moon, and hear the distant sound of vampire cries.
Go to him.
I do.