I hang up. Nakakahiya. I texted him.
Me: I'm gonna sleep, good night.
He replied.
Luke: Ok, good night. I know you know that I love you.
I did not text back.
Nakatulog ako kaagad siguro dahil sa pagod na magpanggap na hindi ka masaya. Dahil sa totoo lang, masayang masaya ako. Kahit may pangamba ako na hindi din to magtatagal.
The next morning, I was awaken by someone calling me on my phone.
Jay calling...
"Hello? Good morning. Ang aga mo yatang tumawag? Kamusta?" I asked while my eyes are still closed.
"I'm good, ikaw kumusta? I heard nandyan si Santiago kahapon, so ano 'to? Comeback?" I know he's rolling his eyes.
I laughed. "No. Same old sh*t. Nothing new." Bumangon na ako.
"Gosh Olivia. Nakakasawa kayo promise. It's been years." Frustrated nyang sabi.
"I know, it's just I'm not ready yet. I do not belong in his world, you know that. And I know it's better this way. Magsasawa din sya. Gaya ng dati. I know this is just for a show. But I am enjoying this, masaya ako." I smiled.
"Masaya ka ngayon, pano sa mga susunod na araw? You are going back to the old you. You live for the moment, and I know you of all people should know it." He sighed.
"I know. I just can't help it. Masaya ako." I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
"Masaya ka, pero kailangan mo ding hanapin dyan sa puso kung mahal mo pa ba. Or masaya ka lang dahil nandyan sya ulit." He seriously said to me.
"I don't know." I said.
He sighed.
"I don't wanna spoil your happiness, but you know you need to face the reality. You need to decide if you want this or not. Or pareho nyo lang niloloko ang sarili nyo. Did he say he love you?" He asked.
"He said liligawan nya daw ako." I said.
"Hmm. I dunno. I dunno. For now, please be careful, I don't want to lose you again. It was so hard getting you back to your senses. Kahit ngayon, hindi na ikaw yan. Ang lungkot lungkot mo. Hindi ikaw yan. Namimiss ko yung ikaw na masaya. Sana bumalik na sya." He sighed again.
"I'll be careful. Thank you. I miss the old me too." A tear fell down.
"Okay, I gotta go. Mag-ingat ka dyan ha. Basta ikaw lang ang nakakaalam kung ano man yang laman ng puso mo." He said to me.
"Okay, bye. Ikaw din, ingat ka dyan." We hang up.
I got a text from Luke.
Luke: Good morning! I'm on my way to your condo, I brought us breakfast. Ako ang nagluto nito. :)
I did not reply. Naghilamos na lang ako. After a few minutes, may nag doorbell.
"Hi. Pasok ka." I said opening the door.
He is wearing blue jeans and plain V neck t-shirt and white sneakers. He's also wearing a white cap. He really likes everything plain.
He kissed me on my forehead. "Good morning, are you ready for later?" Oo nga pala, mag sho-shopping kami.
"Uh, yeah. I'll just prepare these. And I'll go get ready." Sabi ko habang nilalagay ko sa plato yung mga dala nya.
Nagdala sya ng tapa, sunny side up and tocino.
"Do you want some coffee?" I looked at him. He is also looking at me. "Why?" I asked.
"Is something bothering you?" Tumayo sya at lumapit sakin.
Tinalikuran ko sya. I went to the kitchen counter to make some coffee.
He went towards me and hugged me through the back. Gosh, we're so intimate. I am burning inside. Pinagpapawisan ako kahit nka on yung aircon.
"Luke." I said, almost, a whisper. No a moan.
"Do not do that. Please. You do not want me turned on." He whispered. His breath is like fire touching my ears.
I closed my eyes.
"Hmm." Ghaaad. What am I doing?
He slowly pulled me to turn around and face him. I closed my eyes. After a second, his lips were touching mine. This is insane. But why am I responding to his kisses?
"Liv?" He said my name between kisses.
"Hmm?" Walang boses na lumalabas sa bibig ko.
"God, don't do that please. You do not know how hard it is to contain it" he is frustrated now.
I suddenly got to my senses. I slightly pushed him away. Bumitaw naman sya and he pulled me on a tight hug. But I can feel him in my stomach.
"Sorry. I'll go get dressed. Your coffee will be ready in a minute." Pumasok na ako sa kwarto ko.
Ano ba yon? I was carried away. No, hinayaan kong malunod ako ng emosyon ko. Mali. Mali ito. Naligo na ako at nagbihis.
I wore blue skinny jeans, a black shirt with a Harry Potter print and black chucks.
We ate breakfast in silence. I laughed.
"What?" He asked anxiously.
"Wala. I decided to let go and just go with the flow. Nakakapagod maging malungkot. Nakakamiss maging masaya." I smiled.
"I miss you." He looked at me and held my hand.
Umalis na kami. Ano kayang bibilhin nya? He smiled, while we're driving out of the parking lot.
"You know, I miss you. A lot." I looked outside.
"I know." He chuckled.
I smiled.
