You May Be Young But You're Ready

23

7:38 in the morning, I laid in bed while looking up at the ceiling. I couldn't believe myself, I couldn't believe I'd let something like that go on. I was disgusted, not only with myself but with Daddy too.

I thought everything was going good, these last few days were going just fine. Then he hits me with something like this, it made me sick to my stomach. I had to go. I couldn't stay here anymore.

But I knew for sure Daddy wouldn't let me leave, he rarely let's me out of his sight. And momma, I knew she wouldn't want to see me again.

Maybe death was my only way out...

I was so sore and hurt from last night, I began to feel sick to my stomach as the flashbacks ran across my mind. I hated myself. I hated Daddy.

Daddy had to be to work in about 30 minutes, I could hear him walking around through the house. He came and knocked on the door causing me to quickly roll over and shut my eyes. I had nothing to say to him, nor did I want to hear his bullshit apologies. There I was Laying in bed, waiting to hear the door close and for him to pull off. Finally hearing him back out of the driveway, I jumped up and packed all of my things. I shoot Tray a text, telling him to hurry up and come get me. Knowing my best friend, he didn't ask any questions, all he said was "Ight, I'm on my way."
-
Dear Daddy, I hate having to leave you this letter but your baby girl can't continue to stay here with you. I can't continue being in a relationship with you. You've traumatized me so many times, not only physically but mentally as well. Last night was my final straw. I'm sorry Daddy. You know I'll always love you no matter the situation. But all this has to come to an end. Although we had our good times, this just clearly isn't meant to be. So with saying that, I'm saying this... Goodbye Daddy, love Chanelle.

I sat at his desk that was in his at home office rereading over the letter. I was really about to do this, I was about to leave for good. I didn't want to, but I had to. If I continued to stay here with him, I would probably take myself out of my own misery!

I looked down at my phone, seeing Tray's message come through telling me he's outside. I left the note on his desk and got up, grabbing both of my bags then headed outside to the car.

"Hey Bitch!" Tray shouted loudly as I stepped into the car. I sat in the passenger seat not saying a word, the visions of last night came to mind again. "Well excuse you, the hell." Tray rolled his eyes and started up the car. And that's when the tears started racing down my face, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I just felt so trifling and ashamed. "Chane- the hell. Chanelle! What's wrong?" Tray turned the car off then sitting back in his seat and looked at me. "I don't like myself. I hate who I've allowed myself to become all because I thought I loved that man. I can't do this anymore Tray. I hate myself. And I hate him." I said while crying and wiping the tears away from my eyes.

"What the fuck did he do?" Tray asked while reaching into his Fanny Pack, pulling out his pocket knife. "Cause I'll cut me a nigga in a heart beat Nelle." He added as he pulled the blade part out. "My feelings are just all over the place, I don't think I can do this anymore Tray. I want my mom back. I feel like I've lost everything and everybody. I just want my old life back, with you and Ronny, and my momma. I miss it, that's when my life was perfect." I cried out. "I know, we'll talk when we get to my house."
—
Me and Tray finally made it home to his house after a long car ride of silence which made me fell like it went on for hours!

"So, you ready to tell me everything now Chanelle?" Tray said after shutting his bedroom door then walking over to his bed and taking a seat. "I don't even know where to begin. But last night was my final straw, I knew I couldn't stay with him after that. He had one of his friends over so they could watch the game so I went upstairs and chilled out. Then he called me down, he brought me into the kitchen and told me that I had to sleep with his friend. At first I thought he was joking but he was serious. After I told him I wasn't doing it he choked me and threw me to the ground. I had to do it, I just had to. The look in his eyes were devilish and I knew he wasn't playing around with me, at all. He told me to pretend that his friend was him while we did it. I can't be with him anymore Tray. I really love him, but no, I can't be with him like that." I wiped the lonely tear from my eye before I could drop.

"Well, Chanelle. I'm going to be bluntly honest with you because your my best friend, more like a sister to me. You brought this on yourself. And that's the truth. You knew this man was twice your age and yet you still messed around with him. Although I supported you, I didn't like the fact that it was going on. You've called me multiple times crying over this man. He's cheated on you with you own mother, he made you guys hate each other. He's put his hands on you like you was man out in the streets. He's degraded you. Now he made you do this and you want to leave now. You're better off staying with him at this point, what more could he do? This man preyed on you. He knows you're 17 and what does he do? He has sex with you, he's in a full blown relationship with you and you're a CHILD! He is sick! And you're just as sick as he is because the first time he put his hands on you, that's when your ass should've left. Better yet, none of this should have ever went down because your 17 and he's 34. Now, I'm done speaking on this situation because I've told you plenty of times to be careful with him and you don't listen! I still love you, but your the only one to blame. That's what you get for being so grown. Slow down, please."
—
What Tray said was really going over my head. I couldn't even sleep, I was up all night thinking about everything he said. And he was right. But besides all the bad things Antwan has done and put me through I try to look right pass it all and see the good. That was my problem, but I loved the way he made me feel, how he touched me and how he treated me.

But I was done. And that was my final decision. No more Antwan! I had to put myself first. That was that.