Who to choose {Dylan O'Brien and Thomas Sangster}

Chapter 13-Pain that won't go

Double update today guys! Love you all💕
I've been feeling like😓My throat hurts and my leg is numb so it hurts when I walk
WATCH THE VID BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE IT IS PERFECT😱👌
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At first I am stuck. I don't feel like I've heard the right thing.
"What?" Is all that comes out of my dry lips.
"I love you Emma. Okay?"
"No. Thomas,you have a girlfriend,"
"It doesn't matter,I needed to tell you-otherwise I'll spend the rest of my life wishing I would've,"
"Why didn't you tell me before Zooey,before Dylan,"
"Because I couldn't believe it. I tried distracting myself but that make life worse,"
"I can't believe this..."
"But we don't have to do anything. We can still be friends,"
"Oh.. No,no,we're not friends. Not anymore,I can't believe this! I'm finally happy,too happy. And you think you can jump and take that away from me. No.. No,no ones ever gonna do that. Not anymore,"
I storm out the shop at that point,Thomas is screaming my name but I ignore it. I keep running.away until he can't find me. I find an old video games shop,he can't find me there. I sneak it and walk through the isles. Looking at everything for sale until I crash into someone.
"I'm so sorry!" I say but then look up to see Alex.
"What are you doing here Emma?" He asks.
"I'm in trouble.."
"Hold on. Let me pay for these,"
He comes back a little while later holding a bag and then we leave the store.
"Your coming back to my house again," he says as we get on the bus. We sit at the back. "What's up,what happened?"
"Can you keep a secret?" I ask "And you have to swear not to tell anyone. Especially Dylan!"
"Yeah.."
"My friend.. He loves me. But I have Dylan,and I don't know what to do,"
"This friend. Do you love him?"
"He's not my friend anymore. I left him once he told me,I ran to hide and that's when I found you,"
"Well.. I'm not good at advice. But follow you heart."
"But what piece of your heart to follow when it's cracked into millions of pieces?"
"Always follow the one you want. Not the one people tell you. But Dylan.. You can't end things with him. He loves you,"
"I don't know who I love. Sometimes I think I was born backwards,"
"But what are you gonna do about your ex friend?"
"I don't know. Shut him out,but once I do that it'll crumble. Cuz once I shut one person out I begin shutting out everyone. Including you,including Will,including Dylan. Then I'll be nothing. But sometimes I feel like I can't trust anyone- But that's how it is. You can't trust anyone in this world,even your shadow leaves you in the darkness,"
"It may but I won't Emma. Neither will Dylan,or Will,"
"How can I be sure of that?"
"You know it. Deep down,"

How can I be sure?
Maybe I'll just disappoint everyone,maybe that's just the girl I am. I don't want it like that and I know there's no changing. Because for me,there's a grief that can't be spoken and there's a pain that goes on and on.