Eleanor Mendrez

10 Eleanor

"What's going on between you and Miles? He's damn head over heels."

I rolled my eyes at Lotti. I was drinking my third bottle of vodka and my head was feeling light already. Hindi kasi ako nag-dinner kaya agad akong tinamaan.

I saw my mom waiting for me in my condominium building so I came here earlier than expected to avoid her. Galing kasi ako labas kaya hindi na ako nakauwi pa nang tuluyan. I just drove here in the bar eventhough my friends weren't ready yet.

Of course, Eleazar threatened me a thousand times. Kung hindi daw ako uuwi o kung hindi ko daw kakausapin ang mga magulang ko, he'd drag me himself all the way home.

But he never did.

Maybe because he knew I wasn't feeling well these past few months. I just didn't want to deal with them for a moment. Darating rin siguro ako sa point na mapapagod ako kaka-iwas sa kanila.

"Hindi ako tinitigilan n'yang pinsan mo. I pushed him away countless of times already."

"Are you talking about the moreno tall guy?" singit ni Lia.

Karyl and Lia met him at school. Natyempuhan nila si Miles noong isang araw na kasama ako. He introduced himself to them.

"I don't like him for you." komento ni Karyl sa kabilang banda. Lotti raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't get me wrong Lotti, ah? Boy is gonna have it hard, I swear. He doesn't look too strong to love someone like Eleanor Mendrez."

"Bitch?!" singhal ko kay Karyl dahil sa sinabi n'ya. She laughed at my reaction. Noong una ay akala ko sasabihin n'yang masyadong simple si Miles para sa akin. I didn't expect her to say that I was just gonna hurt Miles.

I meant, I knew that but that hurts.

"Babe, that's just my opinion, okay? Don't let it live in your sensitive heart."

"Bitch, if you aren't Karyl, I might have nailed your face already." irap ko sa kanya. Totoo naman. I was really hurt by what she said. If she wasn't one of my real friends, baka nasaktan ko na talaga 'to.

Alam ko namang butthurt lang ako. And it was because of Gabriel. Noong huling usapan namin, 'yan na 'yan ang sinabi n'ya sa akin. He told me himself that he couldn't take a heartbreak. Ang ibig n'yang sabihin ay sasaktan ko lang s'ya.

He was already hurting... he said.

And I didn't wanna come off clean but was it my fault that I couldn't give them what they wanted? Sila ang may nararamdaman sa akin. Was I required to like them, too?

Ganoon na yata ang tingin nang lahat sa akin. Laging mananakit.

Hindi na nagsalita pa si Karyl dahil kilala n'ya ako. She stood up on her seat and hugged me. Yumakap ako pabalik sa kanya at napabuntong-hininga.

"Love you." sabi pa n'ya atsaka ako hinalikan sa pisngi.

"Do you want me to slap Karyl?" ani Lia na alam kong naramdaman din ang mood ko. Lotti was just silently laughing at us.

"I'm fine. Truth hurts talaga." natawa ako nang bahagya at napa-iling. Maybe I was hurting people around me without knowing. Ma-attitude rin kasi ako.

"Babe, ang ibig kong sabihin, I want you for someone who is stronger than you. 'Yung kaya kang alagaan at protektahan. Hindi 'yung parang isang away lang ay iiyak n--"

"Girl, huwag ka nalang magsalita." pagpipigil ni Lotti sa kanya kaya ako naman ang natawa ngayon. "Mukhang lampa 'yun pero may iisang salita naman, 'no." pagtatanggol pa ni Lotti kay Miles.

Someone who was stronger than me... 'yung aalagaan ako at po-protektahan.

Napaisip ako. My personality was too strong. I really needed someone who could tame me. 'Yung alam ang sasabihin para kumalma ako at may lakas ng loob na ipamukha sa aking may mali ako.