Eleanor Mendrez

14 Eleanor

Ilang gabi na akong hindi makatulog nang maayos kakaisip kung ano ang dapat kong gawin. Ni hindi ko na kayang sagutin ang mga tawag at texts sa akin ni Miles. That night I spent with Gabriel made me want to end my relationship with Miles as soon as possible.

Kailan lang ay sinabi ko sa sarili ko na susubukan ko pero ngayon ay hindi na malinaw sa akin ang lahat. I would definitely end things with Miles but I didn't know how. Kung tutuusin ay madali dapat ito para sa akin dahil sa personalidad ko pero sa tuwing naiisip kong nanloko ako... kahit sa ano pang paraan 'yan ay parang hindi ko magawa.

I turned into someone I fear and hate the most.

Gabriel kept his distance again after that night. It has been two days when he dropped me home without words. We couldn't do anything but look at each other's eyes. The untold words almost made me want to commit another mistake. I almost called him. I almost texted him. Pero pinigilan ko.

Hindi ko na tinanong kung kailan ulit kami magkikita.

After he battled with himself when I said I missed him, he just went out of the house and left me inside. I sat there, feeling scared that he'd leave me alone in that place. That was the time when my demons started poisoning my mind. Doon ko sinimulang parusahan at lunurin ang sarili sa mga pagkakamali ko.

"Sweetie, what's wrong?"

Bumaling ako kay mom na kunot-noong nakatingin sa akin. The next one I saw was my dad, he was studying my face. Nasa hapagkainan kami at katulad ng mga nakaraang araw ay hindi ako makakain nang maayos.

"Nothing." I cleared my throat and looked at my plate again. Wala pa ring nababawas sa pagkain ko.

"Are you sure?" tanong ni dad. "Ayaw mo ba ng pagkain?"

"I'm fine." simple ko muling sagot. I could feel the weight of my brother's eyes on me so I took a bite of my food. Dahil doon ay nagsimula na ulit silang kumain.

Humigpit ang mga hawak ko sa kubyertos nang tumikhim si dad. I have been noticing this for the past few days. I knew that they wanted to tell us something but I wasn't ready for my brother's reaction yet. May parte sa akin na gusto nang matapos 'to para mabawasan na 'yung bigat pero sa iba pumupunta ang utak ko. It was a pure mess in there.

"Mga anak, your dad needs to tell you something." panimula ni mom matapos ang ilang segundong pananahimik. I automatically looked at my brother. He was so clueless about this. Masyado kasi s'yang busy sa mga responsibilidad n'ya sa school.

"What is it?" agad na tanong ni Eli atsaka ako nilingon.

My heart started ramming inside my chest. Ito na ba 'yung araw na pinaka-kinakatakutan ko? I couldn't think of an excuse to cut this dinner short anymore. Masyadong marami ng palusot ang lumabas sa bibig ko noong mga nakaraang araw na halos naubusan na ako.

"I have been mea--"

"Excuse me po, Ma'am."

I didn't notice that I was holding my breath when one of our helpers suddenly came by the table. Lahat kami ay napatingin sa kanya.

I blew a shaky sigh. Parang mas luminaw ang pandinig ko dahil pati ang paghinga ng mga kasama ko sa hapunan kasabay nang malakas na tibok ng puso ko ay nagagawang umabot sa tainga ko.

"Yes?" kunot-noong tanong ni dad dahil naputol ang sinasabi n'ya. Natunugan namin ang inis n'ya.

I rubbed my wet palms against my cotton shorts. The tension that I felt few seconds ago was slowly decreasing. The timing was just great tonight.

"Kanina pa po kasi may lalaki sa labas ng bahay. Tinanong na po ng guard kung ano ang kailangan pero ang sabi ay may hinihintay lang s'ya." kabadong paliwanag ng house helper namin.