A hearts call

chapter 13

I woke up with a heavy heart.  Coffee was a good idea.  I needed time to think about what was happening in my life right now.  How could I be excited to get married when my family was breaking me down.  I hadn't spoken with my father in so many years,  was it to late?  I didn't know if I came back on his life would he accept me.  So many things to think about and I just wanted to tmrun away from it all. But really that wouldn't solve anything.  I could hear Shannon stir awake and his footsteps coming towards me.   Me" good morning babe". He kissed my cheek and held out his hand.  S" I want just one sip I promise I won't steal your coffee away ". I turned around and wrapped my arms around his waist.  Me" you can steal anything you want to, I would give you everything I have ".  He slid my hair to the side and laid kisses along my shoulder up to my neck. 

S" what's going on in that beautiful mind of yours my sweet girl? ".    Me"just you ".  He pulled me in tighter and massaged my back.  S" please tell me ".   Me" can we talk later? ".  S" no,  its gonna bother me until you tell me ".     He walked us back to the couch and we crashed on the cushions.  I laid on his chest and his fingers laced in my hair.  Me" my mother doesn't like you ". S" I know but that's not why your upset ".   He was good.  I couldn't hide anything from him even if I tried.  Me" I'm terrified that when and if I see my father again before he dies, he won't be happy to see me. ".   S" you need to try and see what happens,  stop thinking black and white  ".    He was so positive and hopeful he made me see the bright side if life.  Me" if I go back there to see him.....".   He kissed my cheek and said " not if...but when ".   Me" ok when I go to see him will you come with me? ".  He was quiet and I was worried what he would say.    S" yes..... But your not ready to go ".   Me" I just have to buy us tickets and then we will be ".   S" you don't understand what I'm saying ".   I was confused.  I looked in his eyes and he said " your broken right now and you need too be fully ready emotionally to cross that bridge,  its been years and he doesn't even know your coming.  How are you going to tell him ".   I smiled and said " I was kinda hoping that you would call him and tell him we are coming ".   He gave me the look.  S" I can't,  like I said, your not ready ".   I sat up and felt sick.  I could feel something wasn't right.  A deep pain in my heart.  I had to call my mother,  I dreaded it but I couldn't shake this feeling.