Spectral Lines

Whisper

I dissolve in the buzz of students and try to avoid talking as much as I can. But that's not possible, I talk a lot, and that's the natural me, so I can't go unattended in a crowded hallway. "Hey! Celestiaaaaaa!" screams Samantha from the other end of space. "Why are you using my FULL name, Sam? Got news?" I ask as she comes closer to me. "Yep yup, Pete got you enrolled for debate out of state last month, and guess what?! Your entry made the cut! Isn't that great?!!" she squeals. "Yes. If dad lets me go." I sigh. "Wait, are you telling me that your dad won't let you out for even something like this?! Girlfriend, you must be joking!" she looks at me, jaw dropped. "I mean..." she begins, and I talk, "Yea, yea. I know. He wouldn't lemme go to Luke's party or any other parties. Understandable. Sleepover at your house? Nope, not even that. Not even hanging out in the evenings or weekends with friends... no tours alone with friends... He canceled my second-level sing-off because it was a two-day trip... Seriously, what is he trying to protect me from?"

"Whoawhat's wrong with that man?" I hear Peter's voice from behind us. "No idea. Where did you come from?" we look at him. "C'mon, ladies... I wasn't stalking." he flashes us a smile. "We didn't say that you were, Pete." Sam rolls her dark eyes, and I give him a dirty look, "Say the word 'ladies' again in your weird accent, and I'll punch you in the face." "Ron," he says robotically. "Argh! Please don't remind me!" before I say more, he twirls me around, "No, I meant he's coming towards us right now." He whispers.

I see Ron and his friends walking towards us with Vanessa at his tail. "Oh, hey, Vanessa! Made sure your adult diaper babies had breakfast?" I smirk at her. Vanessa acts as if she owns the popular gang of boys. She does everything for them, not like any one of their girlfriend... more of a parent. She grimaced at me with her dull grey eyes staring me down as she clings on to Ron, and Ron stands in front of me, glaring hard. I can almost see smoke out of his ears. "You better keep your mouth zipped..." and he says a series of words I don't pay attention to because I am busy taking my bottle out of my bag and having a long sip of water.
It gets on his nerves, mission accomplished.
As he is about to hit the next level of his temper, I spit the water over him, making it appear like an accident. "Oh, I'm really sorry about that. Won't happen again." I walk away smiling.
Boy, I ain't got no decency.

"What's wrong with you? He's gonna let you have it," says Peter. Sam and I walk away, laughing. Truth be told, that wasn't me. This isn't who I am or who I used to be. I've not been myself lately. In fact, I don't know who 'myself' is. I don't know who I am anymore. It's a weird feeling. A feeling... like... I have no purpose here, and there's something else I should do.
Somewhere else I should be.

And also that, this life is not mine. This be resulting in failing grades. I always find myself cooped up inside a fence of worry I can't figure. No matter how hard I try to be cheerful, I don't feel warm on the inside. I feel like I'm missing something but am not exactly sure of what. A permanent feeling of loss that I can't explain. Stuff at home isn't helping either. I can't seem to be able to say this to someone because no one understands. When I talk about it, they weird me out. I pretend to be all happy-happy, that's the me they know, and they don't know or dig further.
That's the me they want.

There's also this other thing, it's like an extra sense that only I seem to possess. I'm not sure of what it is, but I can feel some sort of signals from people. It's like an aura over everybody that only I appear to be able to pick. The aura that some people have eases me while the others tense me. It's just been a year since I moved into this school. I have a lot of friends, but none of them are friends I got to know and bonded with. I pick people to be around by using my weird ability.

I don't mess with a few like Kesra. He's a smarty but not exactly a nerd. Good looking, not evil or anything but his aura is tense and flavorless. I dare not mess with him, and I also naturally hate him. He looks at me like he hates me too.

Ron and his gang of football jocks... They are not exactly like Kesra (Who's also a football player and is technically with them but he's a bit of a loner despite having people hover around him) My bad blood with these guys is an entirely different story. I used to date a guy, Dany, Ron, and his friends hated Dany for some personal reasons, that's how my rivalry with the jerks occurred.

Dany left school though, and it's been five months since we contacted. There's pain, but I've gotten used to shrugging it off. After it all went down, one would think things would settle down, but my school life continued to be partly miserable. So at moments like that, the nice Celestia becomes another person who lives in stranger lands. I see Dany now and then down the street, and he pretends like nothing ever happened between us. Typical, I guess. And again, how did I get to know him? Just happened to be one of the brightest auras I've encountered.
End of love story.

I don't think it's normal to sense these signals. And the spectrum I see often doesn't feel normal either, feels like it means something. I can't seem to shake the feeling off. From a normal person's eyes, my trouble is probably nothing but teenage mental disturbance or a post-breakup thing but I know this feeling. A disturbance, I can never explain. So, as usual, I keep it to myself. Once when I tried talking about it to Sam and Pete...

"It's puberty," said Pete with a peanut butter and jam sandwich stuffed mouth. "Ewww, Pete" Sam smacked his head hard, "Stop eating like that!" "Is 'puberty' the reason your lunch is always green or is it the growing fat in your arms?" winked Pete as he purposely got a little jam over Sam's white skirt. "You dirty..."

...the conversation shifted to something else, and no one bothered to ask what it started with. Can't blame them, I went along and ended up laughing hard in the cafeteria. I was having fun and partly not offended by the fact that they hadn't given a thought to my thoughts.

I wave at them as they walk together down the road. They are having a study group at Laura's tonight, and unsurprisingly I'm not allowed. I get into the car and look ahead. I feel so out of place sometimes. I don't get to get involved with anything my friends do. That makes me feel distant.
Like I have no best friends.

..

"You want to go out," Cedric says once he parks his car in the garage. I look at him with the slightest glint of hope glowing in my eyes. "Out of question. Get out," he says, removing his seat belt, and I storm out.

I sit at the window after dinner, staring out at the stars. Dinner was disturbingly silent today. My family is no fun. A bullying Miss. Perfecto sister, calm commanding brother, nit-picking mom, and a ruler - Dad. Yippee. Everything I'd ever want. People think I'm lucky that I have money, but at what cost? I'm not even allowed to use a phone. The only one in school without a phone. I can thank Dany for that.

I like Cedric though, calm commanding brother, but there's something about him.

I walk up to the shelf beside my bed in my room. I have a collection of odd things on it. A jar of purple gems, decorative stones from clothes filled in a box and labeled 'dreams', a bottle of green broken glass that's labeled 'memories', and a jar with blue decoration lights. I also have small boxes of random stuff like tiny old coins, keys, and things that'll mean absolutely nothing to normal people. To me, everything has meaning. It's like there's something my mind is trying to make me remember, or maybe someplace. Like I know something, but I have no idea what that something is.

I'm special.

Cedric's words ring in my head. They keep ringing until they become another word that feels like a whisper in my head, and then a whisper from somewhere else. I open the sliding glass door of my room and slowly step to my balcony. I hear the whisper outside, and it's coming from...
The Spectral Lines.

You are interesting.