Cutting toward Calvary

Chapter 2

The last thing I remember hearing was a woman, who talked through her nose almost exaggeratedly, shouting an order to send me home, but to keep close eyes on me. When I awoke, I was with Grandma; I assume my mother was too hung over to pick me up.

The ride home with grandma Carolyn was extraordinarily tense, considering the events that carried us to where we were. Neither one of us dated to utter a single word.

I slowly reached across the leather, charcoal black console to turn on the radio, in attempts to ease the awkwardness petrifying the air. I gave it a second thought and pulled myself to a halt.

I listen to a variety of music, such as rap, alternative, heavy metal, death metal, rock and roll, and a very meager amount of country. My choice of music would probably disturb my poor grandmother beyond repair.

Carolyn is not only a fairly elegant lady, but also an extreme believer in the one known as, "God," the, "Alpha and Omega." In fact, she has completely devoted herself to someone she has never even seen, and takes orders from him! She claims to be raised as a Godly woman and that the love of God and His Son, Jesus Christ, as well as faith toward Them, is all any person needs.

Grandma wants to teach me about Him and His Word. I don't really know why I believe, but I'm willing to at least listen. I'm obviously not getting anywhere in life. Maybe he could be a good thing.

Recoiling, I sink back into my seat and turn on the heavenly seat warmers. I'm absolutely chilled to the bone.

The drive home seemed as if it was going to last forever, even though the entire ride would only take roughly forty five minutes.

Uneasy and stressed, I lean my head against the cool glass of the window, admiring the lovely dew drops. Anxiously, I await for the firing squad, Grandma Carolyn, to assume position. She aims her sight, turns off the safety, and boom! Let the interrogation begin!

"Alexa, honey, why? What on God's green earth were you thinking? Everyone has struggles and depressing times, but don't you think you went a little too far? Have you ever stopped to think that there may be more to life than trying to end it? There is so, so much more."

"Why, Grandma? Is that even a proper, sensible question? My life is a literal cycle of torment! Whatever comes after this life, it had to be better than this. I'm tired, sick and tired, of, of everything," I basically wailed. "I just want all of the pain, the struggle, and the heartbreak to end. Nobody cares if I'm dead or alive anyway! Who would miss me, huh? Maybe then I wouldn't be such a burden to the world. I can't do it anymore. Did YOU ever think of THAT?"

Silence. The only sound in the monstrous, midnight blue suburban is the soft hum of the heating system and Grandma's murderous, heart-stabbing sobs.

"You are my everything, Alexa. I will always love you with all of my heart, no matter what you do. I'll always be there for you if you need me. Words can not describe what you mean to me, baby doll. You deserve so much better." She continued, " The Lord is always here, first and foremost. If you would learn to trust and follow him, he could work wonders for you. In the Bible, Psalms, chapter sixty two, verse one, it says, 'Truly my soul waits for God; from him comes my salvation.' That man, David, speaks beautiful words of truth, Alexa."

She stops here, trying to get a grip on her composure.

As we approach the intersection leading to either Stormy Avenue, the road I live on, or Crest Hill, where grandma resides, she turns toward her home. For a moment, I am puzzled.

"What's going on?" I ask grandma. I had assumed she was taking me home to my low life of a mother.

"Your mother," she began cautiously, " is a hot mess. I don't know what you're father was thinking for marrying her, God pardon me. She has no idea how to raise a child, let alone while she's highly intoxicated. I gravely fear that you will turn out like her or worse. By that, I mean dead, and/or hellhound. I've already been granted custody. I talked to he judge while you were unconscious yesterday evening. We shall go by police escort Monday to collect your belongings. In case you're still a little fuzzy, today is Saturday, baby doll. Don't worry about anything. The Lord has smiled upon you and everything is going to be okay."

If you're listening up there God, thank you, so incredibly much. I'm beginning to feel a spark of hope rise up inside into my heart, my soul, and my whole being. For once in a long time, I give the window a big, cheesy, grateful smile. This one is extremely unlike the fake mediocre smiles I flash at the school photographers. This one is authentic.

As one of my favorite authors, Robert Frost, would say," Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I took the one less traveled by."

I may do just that. I'm actually excited to see where this fork in the road, and in my life, leads me.